Sunday, 27 September 2015

Support of your friends when you are feeling a bit down

This week has been a difficult one, what with going back to work and not exactly feeling 100%. I have felt in a low mood and add to the fact I'm a bit stressed over my forth coming treatment well it hasn't been an exactly great week. I hate it when I'm off work as I have far too much time to think and over think, then think some more and I end up becoming really tired and everything gets too much. The one thing that anyone who knows me knows is that I am very honest and I guess that goes for my blogging too. No good pretending everything is hunky dory when it's not. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you plan or stuff happens and it leaves you, well I can't even think of a word, maybe 'Lost' is as good as any.

Anyhoo after all the shit I have been through over the years I have discovered I am pretty resilient I just retreat behind my defences, learn from my experiences and try not to bring everyone else down around me. My unhappiness I pop in a little locker within my head and try not to visit it. I have always been the same I find it incredibly difficult to give myself a break yet, I'm great at shining a little light on others. My friends John and Ade have been very supportive this last week I'm not great at taking advice and tend to switch off. I have been told off by Ade as he knows I can so easily slip into hibernation mode and no one will see me for months on end.

I won on the Euro Millions this Friday and was already preparing in my head to move to Alaska, live in a cabin and become a recluse, unfortunately I don't think I can manage it on £2.90, ah well there is always next week.

My mates John and Lee were messaging me all Friday, arranging to head out on the bikes. Truth be known I just didn't feel like it. I had kind of lost my MoJo and have just been taking to my bed when I have come in from work, hiding under the quilt. I like sleeping when I can as it doesn't mean I am thinking. Anyhoo John mentioned I had to go out as a friend we had met on Facebook and who runs a group called simply 'Bike' wanted to head out with us and was eager to meet both John, Lee and myself. Not being big headed but David really wanted to meet me as he sees me as an inspiration. Again not blowing my own trumpet I get this a lot and I can't for the life of me understand why. I'm just a very ordinary guy, who makes the most of what I have got and can do. I often feel guilty as I think I have to live up to this idea of what people think I am and obviously I can't so it's a bit of a fail on my part. Again just how I perceive myself I guess, pretty sad really. On a positive I do try to be the best I possibly can and I am very warm and friendly and people do take to me pretty quickly. I am now very good at wearing this veil and hiding my true feelings and try to be bubbly and bright even when I am feeling crap, well it's not very nice bringing people down as they have their own problems and quite often as not they are ten times worse than mine.

So I decided to hook up with John and Lee and we arranged to meet David down at Rowlands Gill outside Maguire's Fish Shop the following day, Saturday at 9:00 am. I awoke pretty early and got all sorted, retrieving my Pyga from the shed. Si my bike mechanic had returned my bike all serviced and everything in good working order. I hopped on my bike and headed over the Font to retrieve some funds out of the cash machine, then decided what the hell I may as well ride up Durham Road Bank and go and meet John. Just as I got to the top there he was coming down. He greeted me with an 'Alreet mate how ye dee'in', to which he got a slightly subdued 'ahh am ok'. We then headed down the bank to call on Lee. A quick chat with Michelle, Lee's wife and we were off. Across to the farmers trail and up, the start of another adventure for the 3 Amigo's.

It didn't take us all that long to get to Rowlands Gill and we only had to wait 5 minutes or so before David turned up. It was then hand shakes all round and brief introductions oh and I grabbed a photo of us all. David saying 'aww man a hate me photo taken', tough mate when you are with me you got to have your pic taken it's how I recall memories.

David,John,Me and Lee

From the chippy we headed down the road and were soon on the Derwent Walk and heading up to Blackhill and Consett. It was nice taking it in turns to ride with one another and share a bit of banter. I rode much quicker and even though I was knackered today felt I did ok, it's probably because I wasn't on my Fattie which drags like hell. It was great hearing a little about David and just having a bit of fun with friends old and new. My mates mean everything to me as they are so supportive and even when I am feeling down put up with me and offer words of wisdom and encouragement. I really tried to be upbeat today as it was my first time meeting David and obviously I don't want him thinking I'm  a miserable twat.


Photo by John -Lee, Glenn & David

Soon we were at Blackhill, it was only like 10:10 or something so I suggested we head on up to MacDonald's for a cuppa and we could have a chat outside. Everyone was up for this so we set off again. Following on from MacDonald's we headed over to the sculptures as David wanted to grab some pictures and this is where we said our farewells. John, Lee and myself headed down towards Lanchester Way,saying what a canny lad David was. We will definitely arrange another ride out soon and David would like to meet wor Baxter and get a few photo's of him.

Just as we got down to the big red tug before the Hownsgill Viaduct I spotted a couple of lads at the side of the trail. One of them was on a  very nice Trek Farley Fat Bike, so I had to stop and say hello as you do. As I spoke to this very friendly gentleman John said 'Oh hey we have met affor man'. It turns out we had spoke to Ian once before at the Toon. he was on his other Fat bike at the time lol small world. Ian introduced us to his friend Steve and we shared a canny bit craic. Ian and Steve asking where the tea rooms where at the Gill. We showed them the way and then said goodbye, two really canny blokes, if you see this lads hope you got back safe and sound and it was great seeing you again Ian.

Steve and Ian

It didn't take us long to get down to Hurbuck Cottages and from there we joined the road  and headed along to the turn off for Stoney Heap. Here there was a canny climb, Lee was off in his typical Wiggins style, whilst John and I huffed, puffed and whined all the way up. John describing his ass as being off the Richter scale. As we rode up the bank I was his inspirational and motivational coach, saying 'you can't get off, just keep going m8, get to the next post'. A quick breather at the top and then we were off again. It didn't take long to get to Stanley a quick dodge down the Front Street past all the waifs and strays and before long Lee and I were saying bye to John. Lee and I then whizzed down the back streets of Durham Road, Lee actually slowing down for the junction this time as last time he almost went arse over tit as a car approached the road. I was shouting 'Watch oot for the road like'.

Got home and Ern was in the shed fixing kids bikes lol, his normal daily routine really.

A quick shower and it was almost time to head back up for John along with my dad and Essi my friend who has been visiting a few days. We were all going to have a ride through to the Mercedes dealership so that I could pick Tango my Smart Car up. Tango's been in to get a few bits and bobs done under a recall after the alternator belt snapped and disintegrated. A little chat to the service guy and one of the car salesman and John and I jumped in Tango. I've been getting a new radio and dear me it took me ages to connect my phone so I could play a few tunes on the way home. Soon on our way though.

I think John was impressed with the performance of my little car as it can whizz along considering it's only a 1 litre. It's such a fun little car to drive. When I got home I had a bit fanny around with the radio and think I have it sussed. I even popped a movie on a memory stick and was well impressed it plays.

Various stuff going on that has given me a different perspective on everything, not sure whether it's good or bad, maybe it requires more analysing, something I am very good at. I hate it when I can't fix things, me included.

A huge thanks to all my friends for your on going support and trying to cheer me up...Sorry this isn't as positive a post as usual, a lot going on and struggling for answers.

The End!

Oh Ps David has promised me some of his photo's as I just wasn't in the mood today.

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