Watch & Wait

 It has been 13 years since I was first diagnosed with Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I can remember clearly when it first kind of started. It was upon a ride out with my friend Carl, and coming up through Beamish and No Place. I just was not feeling quite right and at the time had terrible stomach cramps. Strangely enough these cramps would come and go, however upon each episode they got increasingly worse.

Anyhoo Carl and I had been on a day out riding up at Kielder Forest, we had had a brilliant day however at some point I had snapped the bottom bracket of my brand-new carbon fibre bike. So upon our return I had contacted the bike retailer,  Stiff who were based down Leeds way. My dad and I took the bike back to Stiff and upon inspection they agreed that the frame would be replaced under warranty, however I would have to wait around 6 weeks for a replacement from the USA.

Back in 2008 and being silly

Great memories of a day at Kielder

 

After roughly 6 weeks, my bike was back together with a new frame and my dad and I went down to pick her up. This is the part where I can recall feeling proper poorly and knowing something just wasn't right. I was doubled up in our car with the most horrible stomach pain, on the return journey, so once near home, my dad took me straight to A & E at the Queen Elizabeth in Gateshead. I had had my leg off there in the September of 2007, so we thought going there was probably better than going to Dryburn at Durham, which would have been my local hospital.

After spending hours at the QE and being poked and prodded, and very friendly doctor who had examined me came in and informed me he had discovered an unusual lymph node in my neck. It was near my collarbone on the Left. He advised he would be making an appointment for me to see a consultant near home, so Durham, and that they would take it from there.

A few weeks later, I met a friendly consultant called Dr Keenan. What I liked about her was not only her voice, as she sounded a little like Mrs Doubtfire, but her candid approach. Dr Keenan said to me "I have some good news, and some bad news"... "Oh here we go I" thought. "So, what is the bad news?" I enquired to which she replied "Oh, you have cancer". "So, what is the good news?" I asked. "Oh, it is the best one you can get". This left me a little perplexed, however as I look back on it now I just kind of thought "Huh Ok".

In 2015, I had to undergo chemotherapy, which to be fair wasn't too bad compared to some poor folk. The worst bit was the additional antibody therapy, which totally had me wrecked and lasted almost 3 years.

As time went on I was armed with information and supported through the Non Hodgkin's, the consultant and specialist nurses always on hand if I needed someone to talk too. I think the hardest thing to deal with and this is where I am leading with this particular post is the "Watch & Wait". I find it very difficult to deal with this and at times don't particularly know what I am waiting for.

I am very good at going each day without ever thinking of this thing attacking my body. I have a dark sense of humour, so find it ironic that even my own cells don't like me LoL and from what I know that is what cancer cells are. I have heard them called "eternal cells" as unlike normal cells they don't die off, they just duplicate and spread.

So to last week, upon getting up on Wednesday morning I had an upset tummy. I went to work, however as the morning went on I felt increasingly unwell with an upset stomach, and I was sweating and felt all clammy. The girls at work are all very supportive and immediately noticed I didn't look good so were fussing around, checking my obs, opening windows and popping a fan on. I then became freezing cold and just thought I had some sort of bug. I booked a Covid test and then went home, having booked the test for 1 PM down at Chester -Le- Street.

Anyhoo the test came back negative, however I haven't felt well all week and this is that part of Watch & Wait I hate. Once I am feeling unwell with my tummy, it always brings back memories of that first time riding up through Beamish and the start of that period of my life and well it sucks.

After speaking to a G.P over the phone, although he was very kind, supportive and friendly, it has still left me not knowing exactly what is going on. The doctor came up with a few thoughts, yes it could possibly be a flare up of my Non Hodgkin's, however I don't really have any other symptoms. It could be a bout of gastroenteritis, or after the doc read my notes, he thought it could be stress & anxiety.

It has been hard going back to work after 9 months of lockdown, however I don't feel particularly stressed, but hey that is the thing with stress and mental health it can kind of sneak up on you. Sometimes you can ask yourself the question and your mind lies to you, however your body reacts in a different way. I will admit, a good few months ago I was going through a low period, however using some strategies like being kind to myself, meditation and exercise buoyed me again, and have kept me afloat. Of course, I am still a little down that I keep seeing "dream houses" in Scotland and know in a perfect world where I would be and what I would be doing. I enjoy this imagining, it can take me away and well if something does come about I will already be prepared and have a plan of action.

Going back to feeling like crap, I decided to test myself today and have a ride out with my friend John. I figured if I could get a few miles in and feel relatively ok I would be ok for work on Sunday. We rode a local loop of just over 12 miles down Beamish. I was quite impressed with myself as I didn't use any power all the way up the farmer's trail and actually for a fair amount of other sections. The turbo trainer is continuing to give me a good workout. I have been switching the resistance level up just to make things interesting.

And so as I write this, almost finished, I continue to have a dicky tummy and not feel 100%. I guess time will tell what is up.

I'll leave you with a few pics from today. I have put them at the end as I can't be arsed to slot them in to my story, Lol

Ok off to dream about a cottage I have seen in Argyllshire...

By that Wind was Proper Cold Like

 My last long lie in before heading back to work tomorrow. I have been shielding since December of last year. I didn't really have anything planned for today, however received a surprise message from my friend John, asking did I fancy a tootle out on the bikes.

"May as well". I hadn't even looked outside to see what the weather was like, but Ern had said it was really cold and had been snowing. "Give over" I replied, "snowing indeed". As I came downstairs to have a quick cuppa before getting sorted to go out, sure enough as I looked out of our kitchen window, poor Myrtle sitting on axle stands and wheel less had a covering of snow on her bonnet.

"I had better get wrapped up" I thought so after finishing my brew hopped back up to my room and grabbed my gear, making sure I got my legging out and my thicker Endura Hoodie jacket.

I had to quickly pop the tendons back onto my Bartlett Tendon along with the cams, as I have been using the knee on my road bike, set on my turbo trainer, so tend not to utilise the tendons when I am just spinning, it's a waste of energy.

By the time I just about got sorted John was at the kitchen window and ready to go. As I stepped outside to go get my bike WoW! Did I feel the cold, weird as it looked such a nice day with the sun shining and blue skies.

Sorted we were ready for the off, well we would have been if my dam Specialized would connect to the bloody Mission Control app. It was keep asking for a poxy pin code to connect. It must have been after my bike was away getting repaired the other week, that and "Oh yeah" my old Samsung Galaxy S9 had gone tits up the other week, it  kept closing apps and coming up with errors, so much so that I had to do a complete system install and try and retrieve as much of my stuff back as possible. Anyhoo after about 15 minutes of fannying on I eventually figured out the pin code, it wasn't a four-digit code at all like what the app was suggesting, it was actually the BLE Code that came with my bike and I had stuck in the instruction manual. Just in case you lose your code, if you remove the display/button on your top tube apparently it's also printed there.

Now we could go. John fancied a ride down to Beamish, sounded like a plan as we could get some shelter amongst the tree lined route for a little bit of the ride.

Feels like ages since we have ridden up the farmers trail, it was surprisingly dry, so although it was a bit of a climb, it was slightly easier due to it not being so muddy. I won't bore you with the details of the whole route, just that we went down towards Beamish Hall and then detoured into Beamish Woods.

Beamish

John was dying for a tinkle, so we stopped opposite the small pond, and he headed off into the woods to relieve himself. I was complaining about a dog bag when he returned, honest John just went for a wee, he didn't have a dump, it wasn't John's bag. Oh! And there was also an old discarded bike, man why can't people just look after places.
  

First picture of the day, and it's of a Dog Poo Bag. It's not John's I can assure you!

Second picture of an old rusty thrown away bike

 

  

Still Cold

 

As we rode out of the wooded trail area and got back on to the road the wind was freezing cold. It got even worse as we crossed over by Tanfield Railway and headed down the trail with open fields on either side. 

John got this picture from the small bridge at Tanfield railway

It was freezing coming down this stretch of trail

Proper cold on this part, the wind blowing right across the open fields

Looks a lovely day, the wind was freezing though

 

We stopped off at the old ruins of a building and got out of the wind for a while, and had a bit banter. John even gave me a small chocolate egg, saying "here you go m8 and chocolate egg for Easter". It's the only one I have received, it sucks when you get old and no one cares LoL. I would have liked to take more photos, but I couldn't feel my hands. I am so glad I always carry my Arctic ONE buff, today it came in especially handy, well more ear'y, if that is even a word, as my lugs would have got the full brunt of the chilly wind.

The One and only egg I received this year

A ride back to Stanley and home, opting to cycle through Tanfield Village and onto the cycle track at the Factories and that was another little excursion done.

Upon getting back home my bike then wouldn't upload to Strava. All this technology that is supposed to make your life easier does my nut in. Eventually figured out it was because I had two Strava accounts, so I have deleted one, and it looks to be working now. So that was Day 513x of riding every single day in one form or another.

This leads me to the bit everyone gets fed up with, Sorry, but it is for a very worthwhile cause and that is Arctic ONE. If you sponsor me a penny a day that is only £3.65, just think about my sore bottom...Errrr! Well maybe don't, but go raid your piggy bank and pay it forward. Thanks

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/GlennJohnstone1

Things that make you go Grrrrrrr!!!

For some reason, man was I tired last night. I had done my daily riding session in keeping with cycling every day for a year, doing 10.60 miles on my road bike set upon my turbo trainer, whilst watching Gotham on Netflix.

Which reminds me it's not too late to sponsor me and support Arctic ONE with supporting others via their Forward Motion Grant.

Arctic ONE

I also completed 200 crunch sit-ups, mainly just because I have got into a routine. However, I don't think this is what had made me feel so tired I just think I am in a dreadful routine, what with being off work and still shielding.

So this morning I was awake at around 7:00 am. I knew I would be meting up with John for about 9:15am after he had dropped the bairn off at school, and we were going to go for a ride somewhere. "I may as well get up I thought", and proceeded to manoeuvre myself to the edge of my bed, before hopping around the side of my bed and retrieving my Bartlett Tendon.

My Bartlett Tendon has been living in my bedroom as I use it every day for cycling. When I use it indoors on my road bike I always remove the cams and tendons, as I don't need these whilst riding on the turbo trainer. So the first job of the morning was re-attaching the two cams and two tendons. It's an easy enough task, just requiring 4 special shouldered Allen bolts to be fastened in place and making sure the cam locking pins are fitted.

A memorable day...What a laugh

Wow! My second outing of the week with my good friend John. Following on from Tuesdays adventure we had decided to meet up for a ride somewhere on Saturday morning. John almost always leaves the route planning to me and with us both living in Stanley all our lives we kind of know pretty much every trail, so it can get a bit tedious riding the same old places. Saying that due to this whole covid situation anywhere other than in the house is an exciting prospect for me.

I amazed myself by having everything pretty much ready before John arrived or so I thought. As when I went to grab my Specialized ebike and connect the bike to my phone, the bloody bike just wouldn't turn on. Well by that I mean when I pressed the button on the top of the top tube, the battery power meter came on flicked up, then flicked down and then the bike switched off. I could feel a bit of "Tourette's coming on" and the words beginning with "F" "Hell it's every time I plan to go out". I called for back up "Ern, Ern what's up with this bike?". "Well I don't know" he replied. I had already bollocked poor Ern in the morning, actually waking him up and dragging him out of bed, not literally mind you, more figuratively. No you see Ern had been up to his usual tricks and was playing "hide the bike lock keys". Turns out he had hid one set and locked the other set in his car. Naughty Ern!.

Anyhoo Ern saved the day,  he simply came along and said "what does this button do?" to which I replied "Huh what button?"... Hey presto my dad had discovered a special button and my bike started working.

Just then John rocked up, he had ridden down the bank carrying my dads electric plain which he had borrowed to carry out some DIY.

After a very quick discussion we came to the agreement

Farmers trail it is then!

Farmers Trail

John at the start to the Farmers Trail

 

After a few months off

After a few months off of not turning a crank on any of my bikes, today I finally  got out. Have to say in my old age becoming a "fair weather rider" is becoming more an more tempting, man it was cold this morning. Of course I prepared for the elements, however I think I over did it as once I got going with my pal John, it was a case of "Omg I'm Melting".

Lifting my bike over the gate at The Farmers trail

John on His Cube

My dear old dad, or "The Ern" as I lovingly call him had treat me to a new pair of Seal Skin gloves and also a pair of Grab Grip thermal/waterproof leg warmers. Talking about the leg warmers it always annoys me that I have to buy the pair when I only actually use one. My poor old stump, contained in it's silcone liner and surrounded by my socket just has to freeze. Upon each of my adventurers in the chilly weather it is blue upon my return and appears to take ages to heat up.
 
I had discusssed with John earlier in the week about heading out, saying I didn't have plans for an epic ride as I am just so unconditioned. Once more I find myself in the position of just getting out and starting from scratch then gradually building up my fitness, main thing is I am back in the saddle and enjoying some fresh air.
 

"Oh Farmer Trail I have missed you so". Yeah that is the way we headed. It was a combination of real thick mud and ground frost. The large puddles we encountered were glazed over with a sheet of ice. I love the sound of my tires crunching the ice, it is very satisfying to me. Pedaling up the Farmers Trail it felt like my lungs were on fire and ffs why did I put all these layers on along with my Primaloft Jacket oh and Race Face Nano to top it off.

Our plans were to head into Beamish woods and just have a little play around. Jeez once in the woods I swear some of the mudded areas were waist deep. I had taken my Silverback Synergy Fat and John was on his new Cube Nutrail Fat. 

BTK Crossover

Checking out the GoPro on my Mobile phone

Setting up the camera

I have to say I am not to enamoured with the Maxxis Mammoths I have fitted, where as John's Schwalbe Jumbo Jims appeared to be cpoping much better in the thick gloop. John made a lovely comment at one point as we were both struggling to cope with the trail and thick mud, saying "your balance is a lot better than mine". I explained I had to practice a lot, as if I goto fall off on my right side, well that is it I just go. No stopping me as I am clipped in and cannot get my BTK Crossover down quick enough.
 

Messing around with photo's

Every now and then when we came to a nice spot John and I grabbed a photo oportunity. Have to say not to impressed with the quality of the shots today, whilst using both my little Lumix and GoPro Hero 5. Not sure if it was because it was very cold and foggy in places or if I had the settings on manual and messed up. It was also pretty dark in areas and as the GoPro has no flash, well it tends to over compensate in other areas. I am really fancying a new GoPro Hero 7 as heard good reports, it's just they bring a new one out every year and well they are canny expensive. I'll have a fiddle with my 5 as it is still going strong, just ordered some new batteries as my old ones are not holding there charge. £20 for three plus a charger from Amazon, so not too bad.

John looks even more Gimpy than me in this shot, what the hells going on with your ankle dude?

Caked and no grip

Far better dealing with the mud the Schwalbe Jumbo Jims

John

 All in all a very enjoyable ride out, well when I say ride I also did a fair bit of pushing as I was knackered on the hills and if you know the Stanley area, you will know we have plenty of them.

Messing around

John and I

I rode the same way home, this time coming down the Farmers Trail, just as I got to the gate at the end of the trail and dismounted my bike, my good foot slipped down the side of the path way, as it was so muddy. There was this huge puddle, more like the size of a small pond actually. I couldn't un clip my BTK  and I toppled over going sploosh straight in this freezing cold puddle with bits of ice floating in it. I rode home as quick as I could through the estate and when I got home Ern helped me with my soaking wet things and in evacuating all the water which had filled up my prosthetic foot. Everything is now in the wash and I have had a lovely bath, putting in some Epsom Salts as I was Baltic.

The joys of cycling... Much better than sitting in the house, although I am proper tired I feel better about myself. That little bit exercise really does get the old endorphins going and helps you feel positive. I love the outdoors and taking in all the wonderful sights and colours particularly at this time of year. The fallen leaves strewn along some of the trails in the forest were beautiful. And the Coot Pond looked amazing as ice had formed and was glistening in the sunshine. Even met some friendly walkers and had a bit of a chit chat.

Johns bike over at the Coot pond

The pond looked amazing with the bits of ice and sunshine

OK

Ok off to get food...

Baxter has an aversion to water.

A rather laid back morning this morning. Having decided to take my good friend William Rosche's advice I made a bowl of porridge and went on to put in various berries into the mix. There were blackberries,strawberries,raspberries and blueberries. William has advised I try to eat a more healthy and balanced diet and add lots of berries, so that's just what I did.

As the weather was a bit naff outside and I'm still not quite feeling myself I decided I would have a root through my mp3 collection and on Spotify and make an album up of old tunes I like and maybe some new ones I could discover.

My dad is on sorting my bedroom out as we have totally stripped it. The wallpaper is off, the old bed has been thrown out and I'm waiting for a new one to arrive on Tuesday. Skirting board have been replaced and holes filled in walls. New sockets, switches and door handles purchased as well as a rather cool Chameleon light which I am looking forward to seeing in action. I asked Ern if I could do anything to help to which he replied "No not really", so I continued  searching for tunes. Well I tried to, you see we have this mischievous pup who is into everything. I finally had to give up and go keep him occupied, of course this was after he had done his Andrex puppy impersonation. Funny how on the TV the adorable Labrador runs away with the toilet roll and gently rolls it out. A bull terrier doesn't do this, no he much more prefers to take it out in the garden and proceed to rip it to shreds and have it all over the place. That's another toilet roll down. As there were none left he then decided what the hell I may as well eat the toilet roll holder. So it was fun and games chasing him around the house to retrieve the holder.    At lunch time Kyle and I decided to have a little snack. I had bought some asparagus and Parma ham as I had seen quite a few people eating it on these cookery programs and was interested to try it. It's a real easy snack to prepare, just wrap the ham around the asparagus and bang it in the oven for 5 minutes and hey presto done. Kyle wasn't exactly sure if he liked it. I however thought it was rather nice and would definitely have it again. It is a good source of vitamin E don't you know.

Baxter was back up to his usual tricks and pestering Ern as he tried to get stuff done. So Kyle suggested we take him out for a little walk. "How about the forges down at Beamish" I suggested. So off we set in the car. It doesn't take long to get down there. As we drove to where we could park up, it was absolutely chucking it down. Baxter was not impressed in the least and dragged all the way in to the woods, his little ears pinned back and trying to shake himself dry.

Baxter not impressed at all

 Once in the woods we took him to the small ford. He gave us the look "Nope it's never going to happen". Eventually he figured out how to step over from stone to stone without getting his paws wet. As Kyle went over the bridge I walked through the ford and brought Baxter along with me. It wasn't too deep, but he did not like it one bit. A few riders on horses passed us by in the woods and Baxter wasn't to sure of these, giving a little unsure growl. Finally he started to get a bit more confident and began to lead the way sniffing and exploring. We only went a short way before turning around and heading back, yes I dragged him through the ford again.

Got back home and Baxter was filthy and we were soaked through. Just enjoyed a nice hot shower.

  

I'm stuck

     

Is that a horse I spot

Another ickle poem I wrote about yesterdays adventure.

Up early again this morning feeling sickly. So I put pen to paper whilst in bed and came up with a short poem based around yesterdays adventure whilst I was out with my friend John.

It was a very enjoyable day yesterday, however boy was the wind strong. The woods gave us great shelter of course and the sounds and sights of nature within the woods and open meadows was well simply beautiful.

Here's my latest attempt

As the Wind Blows

The wind blows through the grasses, creating a sometimes calming, sometime howling sound.

Hundreds of millions of bladed sentinels swaying in rhythm to it’s command.

The trees they bend their branches, regardless of young or old and rattle out their protests.
Leave us here in peace to watch over all those around.

Pretty Flowers are abundant, scattered all around.

A myriad of different colours, all dancing to the sound.

Nature plays out its hidden chorus, the whole wood taking part.

Most woodland creatures are in hiding, apart from mister Hawk.  

He fly’s upon the thermals, gliding and soaring way up high.
Looking out for unsuspecting victim’s, from his kingdom in the sky.

The sound of nature continues, the animals have all gone to ground.
It’s a bit of a windy day to be out fooling around.