The end of something and the start of something new.

Today was a bit of a landmark day as I have completed my 6th and final cycle of chemotherapy. Now I am positive I will go into remission as they call it and stay fit and healthy for sometime without fear of the 'C' word coming back to haunt me for quite sometime. I have to undergo 2 years of antibody treatment, this requires me to go and have a drug named rituxiimab  infused into my body and statistics have shown this drug helps keep the Non Hodgkin's at bay for much longer. You see the malignant cancerous cells have a unique protein surrounding them called CD20. The rituxiimab is designed to hunt down this protein and destroy the cancer cells with out harming good healthy cells. So the drug is a lot gentler than the chemo which just runs rampant and kills everything.

Short term plans are return for blood tests in a months time and then go for a scan to see if I am okay. Treatment wise it has not been as bad as I suspected. I mean sure I have had a few side effects, like feeling nauseas, tired, low blood counts and the latest one developing spots and pimples which are really annoying and quite painful.

I am now looking forward to this being the end of something and the start of something new in many aspects of my life. I have always been driven, maybe not academically, however if I want to achieve something or get something done. If I focus my attention on it I have what is known as a can do attitude and can generally achieve my aims and goals. I have learnt a valuable lesson in some respects as I have gotten older and that not everything has to be perfect or in some cases you can start things yet never have to complete them. This can be for a variety of reasons, things like you are just not really as interested as you thought you were in the given subject. Other people get in the way or lose interest or they have different views, or some other aspect of life comes along and the stuff or thing you were doing just doesn't feel as important. I have come to understand it is better to have a go and fail than just say 'I cannot do that' or not even attempt to try it. Trying is not failure it I simply a way of discovering if you really want to do something, or learning something, then doing it better each time until you are happy with the outcome. I have also discovered I cannot posssibly Fix Everything or everyone no matter how caring or understanding I am. I think one of my biggest problems, again I'm learning is that I see only Black and White, yet other people have a myriad of different shades of Grey and even some other colours coming intro play and well this can just totally confuddle me. How the hell I have got off on this tangent I do not know lol. Top tip, stick to black and white it makes things so much easier lol.

Anyoo the something new bit for me is a reflection of putting all this crap behind me and learning from it and whilst I will be continuing to do a lot of stuff I used to do I will be moving on to new things. Well this is what I envision. Is this not life for all of us any way?

Whilst chatting to a very close friend I asked her a totally random question, saying 'So if you could think of a mythical creature or animal to represent you,  what would it be?'. She had to think a while and in the meantime said, 'Oh I am not sure, what would yours be'. I can of course answer immediately as for me it would have to be a Phoenix. The way I figure, this creature represents me perfectly because it is born, has a period of fun, then the shit hits the fan, it is then born again with a new sense of purpose out of all the ashes and the chaos that caused it's demise. I am in no way complaing so don't think this is a sob story, my life has been full of ups and downs, it has brought me to exactly where I am supposed to be and made me the person I am today. I actually feel rather fortunate in a weird sense.

So on to my recovery. I am going to take the next month or so real easy, see what it brings my way and whilst I am off try and relax and not over think things. I am however going to start thinking of short, medium and longer term goals, as this promotes positive action. I am already looking forward to new sockets, trialling new knees and feet/ ankle combo's. I am looking forward to getting back to learning to run and of course swimming again. I am also very excited about working alongside Graeme Moore, a really good close personal friend of mine. Graeme is a triathlon coach over at Phoenix Triathlon and has very kindly asked me, would I like to help out within the club. I am not sure at the moment of my role, however have helped out on a few sessions with some children from a special needs school. I found this experience extremely rewarding and fun so maybe a volunteer coaching role would suit me down to the ground. I would recommend voluntary work to anyone as it gives you a tremendous feel good factor and also brings communities closer together.

Anyhoo my blogging friends watch this space as I am sure there will be many more adventures in the future and I cannot wait to share them with you.

I would like to say a huge thank you to everyone who reads my blogs, this year has been a particularly tough one, not so much the chemo, more so that it has effected what I wanted to do and made me feel lazy and at times depressed. I don't like sugar coating things, so my aim was to be honest with anyone who kept up to date with me and peoples support has been amazing. It has really helped me get through on those crappy days and on the days I have felt good well, it's just great to know I have so many loyal friends.

I notice I don't get as many comments on my blog as I do upon Facebook, so hey leave your comments any time they are a very welcome read.

Take care guys

Good news on the old White Blood Count

After having my bloods retaken on Tuesday I was very surprised to discover they had risen from 0.52 all the way up to 3.79. I'm not sure what I have been doing but it must have worked. My friend Ade reckons it was that trip we had to Holy Island lol. I have been trying to exercise (maybe a little too much at times) by getting out on my bikes and I have been eating plenty of mixed fruit and berries and drinking a lot more water.

Yesterday (Thursday) I attended Shotley Bridge chemotherapy day unit for my 5th cycle of treatment. When I was there the haematology nurse came over to have a chat and explained that as my Wbc's were not recovering each time I had treatment they thought it a good idea that this cycle I only have one session of chemo and antibody and this would also be the case for my next cycle. So I have today off from treatment and I have awoken feeling quite good. The side effects to the drugs usually kicks in around 4 days later, however last month I didn't experience hardly any, well apart from the dop in my wbc count.

The hardest part for me is having to try and take things easy and being off work, it gets so boring. I have never been a one for sitting still, yet due to unforeseen circumstances a great deal of my life has forced me to do just this. I think that is why I get so wound up at times now I just want to get on. Never mind just one more session and then normal service shall be resumed and I can ease back into the swing of things.

So much to look forward to and feeling well which will be a huge bonus. I never really seem to have a plan for life I rarely know what I am doing from one week to the next however I do know I want to achieve and accomplish more, doing what well I haven't a clue.

One things for sure my future will never pass me.

Have a great day everyone x

I'm at almost zero

So cycle 5 is due on Thursday 1st  and Friday 2nd October, or rather it was. Just been for blood tests and the nurse came back with an 'Oh doesn't look like you will be having your treatment this week'. She then went on to grab another two nurses who came along to see me and all 3 of them appeared really concerned, one in fact not even wanting to breath on me lol. I was then lectured on if you have the slightest cough,cold,chill or fever you must ring up and inform us.

'How are you feeling?' they asked to which I replied 'Err a little tired and down'. I had thought I was coming down with a cold early last week, but it's nowt really a few sniffles and I have had a sore throat for ages now, it's no big deal.

Today my white blood count was practically at zero, reading 0.14, this means my immunity is pretty shocking. One of the nurses commented on how weird it was that I looked so well. Anyhoo the results from today means more time off work and I have to be really careful. So I guess when I go out for bike rides I will just have to pull up my Arctic ONE Buff and this should hopefully stop peoples Cooties from infecting me.

My daughter Kayleigh has been on the phone texting me. I have told her not to worry, this is just another challenge. The reply I got was ever so sweet and it shows how much she loves me.She said in a txt 'It's hard no to worry :( literally hate how everything shit happens to you! You don't deserve it :( xxx  I don't really believe in luck or misfortune, shit happens to good people all the time and I see people worse off than me almost every day of the week, so it makes me feel lucky for the things I do have in my life. Yeah I go through phases where I feel everything is against me and when this happens I tend to go into hiding to regroup which can scare some people as they must think I'll never return.

At the moment my worst fear is having to take more time off work. Not only do I feel I am letting my work colleagues down, as well as my patients, but being off means I have way too much time to think and analyse what exactly I am doing on this planet. Feeling slightly lost.com

Support of your friends when you are feeling a bit down

This week has been a difficult one, what with going back to work and not exactly feeling 100%. I have felt in a low mood and add to the fact I'm a bit stressed over my forth coming treatment well it hasn't been an exactly great week. I hate it when I'm off work as I have far too much time to think and over think, then think some more and I end up becoming really tired and everything gets too much. The one thing that anyone who knows me knows is that I am very honest and I guess that goes for my blogging too. No good pretending everything is hunky dory when it's not. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you plan or stuff happens and it leaves you, well I can't even think of a word, maybe 'Lost' is as good as any.

Anyhoo after all the shit I have been through over the years I have discovered I am pretty resilient I just retreat behind my defences, learn from my experiences and try not to bring everyone else down around me. My unhappiness I pop in a little locker within my head and try not to visit it. I have always been the same I find it incredibly difficult to give myself a break yet, I'm great at shining a little light on others. My friends John and Ade have been very supportive this last week I'm not great at taking advice and tend to switch off. I have been told off by Ade as he knows I can so easily slip into hibernation mode and no one will see me for months on end.

I won on the Euro Millions this Friday and was already preparing in my head to move to Alaska, live in a cabin and become a recluse, unfortunately I don't think I can manage it on £2.90, ah well there is always next week.

My mates John and Lee were messaging me all Friday, arranging to head out on the bikes. Truth be known I just didn't feel like it. I had kind of lost my MoJo and have just been taking to my bed when I have come in from work, hiding under the quilt. I like sleeping when I can as it doesn't mean I am thinking. Anyhoo John mentioned I had to go out as a friend we had met on Facebook and who runs a group called simply 'Bike' wanted to head out with us and was eager to meet both John, Lee and myself. Not being big headed but David really wanted to meet me as he sees me as an inspiration. Again not blowing my own trumpet I get this a lot and I can't for the life of me understand why. I'm just a very ordinary guy, who makes the most of what I have got and can do. I often feel guilty as I think I have to live up to this idea of what people think I am and obviously I can't so it's a bit of a fail on my part. Again just how I perceive myself I guess, pretty sad really. On a positive I do try to be the best I possibly can and I am very warm and friendly and people do take to me pretty quickly. I am now very good at wearing this veil and hiding my true feelings and try to be bubbly and bright even when I am feeling crap, well it's not very nice bringing people down as they have their own problems and quite often as not they are ten times worse than mine.

So I decided to hook up with John and Lee and we arranged to meet David down at Rowlands Gill outside Maguire's Fish Shop the following day, Saturday at 9:00 am. I awoke pretty early and got all sorted, retrieving my Pyga from the shed. Si my bike mechanic had returned my bike all serviced and everything in good working order. I hopped on my bike and headed over the Font to retrieve some funds out of the cash machine, then decided what the hell I may as well ride up Durham Road Bank and go and meet John. Just as I got to the top there he was coming down. He greeted me with an 'Alreet mate how ye dee'in', to which he got a slightly subdued 'ahh am ok'. We then headed down the bank to call on Lee. A quick chat with Michelle, Lee's wife and we were off. Across to the farmers trail and up, the start of another adventure for the 3 Amigo's.

It didn't take us all that long to get to Rowlands Gill and we only had to wait 5 minutes or so before David turned up. It was then hand shakes all round and brief introductions oh and I grabbed a photo of us all. David saying 'aww man a hate me photo taken', tough mate when you are with me you got to have your pic taken it's how I recall memories.
 

David,John,Me and Lee

From the chippy we headed down the road and were soon on the Derwent Walk and heading up to Blackhill and Consett. It was nice taking it in turns to ride with one another and share a bit of banter. I rode much quicker and even though I was knackered today felt I did ok, it's probably because I wasn't on my Fattie which drags like hell. It was great hearing a little about David and just having a bit of fun with friends old and new. My mates mean everything to me as they are so supportive and even when I am feeling down put up with me and offer words of wisdom and encouragement. I really tried to be upbeat today as it was my first time meeting David and obviously I don't want him thinking I'm  a miserable twat.

 

Photo by John -Lee, Glenn & David

Soon we were at Blackhill, it was only like 10:10 or something so I suggested we head on up to MacDonald's for a cuppa and we could have a chat outside. Everyone was up for this so we set off again. Following on from MacDonald's we headed over to the sculptures as David wanted to grab some pictures and this is where we said our farewells. John, Lee and myself headed down towards Lanchester Way,saying what a canny lad David was. We will definitely arrange another ride out soon and David would like to meet wor Baxter and get a few photo's of him.

Just as we got down to the big red tug before the Hownsgill Viaduct I spotted a couple of lads at the side of the trail. One of them was on a  very nice Trek Farley Fat Bike, so I had to stop and say hello as you do. As I spoke to this very friendly gentleman John said 'Oh hey we have met affor man'. It turns out we had spoke to Ian once before at the Toon. he was on his other Fat bike at the time lol small world. Ian introduced us to his friend Steve and we shared a canny bit craic. Ian and Steve asking where the tea rooms where at the Gill. We showed them the way and then said goodbye, two really canny blokes, if you see this lads hope you got back safe and sound and it was great seeing you again Ian.

Steve and Ian

It didn't take us long to get down to Hurbuck Cottages and from there we joined the road  and headed along to the turn off for Stoney Heap. Here there was a canny climb, Lee was off in his typical Wiggins style, whilst John and I huffed, puffed and whined all the way up. John describing his ass as being off the Richter scale. As we rode up the bank I was his inspirational and motivational coach, saying 'you can't get off, just keep going m8, get to the next post'. A quick breather at the top and then we were off again. It didn't take long to get to Stanley a quick dodge down the Front Street past all the waifs and strays and before long Lee and I were saying bye to John. Lee and I then whizzed down the back streets of Durham Road, Lee actually slowing down for the junction this time as last time he almost went arse over tit as a car approached the road. I was shouting 'Watch oot for the road like'.

Got home and Ern was in the shed fixing kids bikes lol, his normal daily routine really.

A quick shower and it was almost time to head back up for John along with my dad and Essi my friend who has been visiting a few days. We were all going to have a ride through to the Mercedes dealership so that I could pick Tango my Smart Car up. Tango's been in to get a few bits and bobs done under a recall after the alternator belt snapped and disintegrated. A little chat to the service guy and one of the car salesman and John and I jumped in Tango. I've been getting a new radio and dear me it took me ages to connect my phone so I could play a few tunes on the way home. Soon on our way though.

I think John was impressed with the performance of my little car as it can whizz along considering it's only a 1 litre. It's such a fun little car to drive. When I got home I had a bit fanny around with the radio and think I have it sussed. I even popped a movie on a memory stick and was well impressed it plays.
 
Various stuff going on that has given me a different perspective on everything, not sure whether it's good or bad, maybe it requires more analysing, something I am very good at. I hate it when I can't fix things, me included.
 
A huge thanks to all my friends for your on going support and trying to cheer me up...Sorry this isn't as positive a post as usual, a lot going on and struggling for answers.

The End!



Oh Ps David has promised me some of his photo's as I just wasn't in the mood today.

A painful day some unavoidable, some self inflicted

Yesterday as my bloods were sort of ok to go ahead with my chemo I received my 4th cycle. Wow it was tough going. After the nurse gave me some antihistamines I became really tired and kept nodding off. Thing was I couldn't get comfortable in the awful high chair I was sat in. The arms were to low so I ended up with a crick in my neck as I dozed. Five Hours sat in that chair and I was stiff as a board. It wasn't all bad however as I got chatting to some rather interesting fellow patients. One of whom informed me she was a psychologist working for the Open University. I really enjoyed our conversation and I am very proud that I can hold an intelligent back and forth. To think of years ago when I was practically socially isolated I wouldn't have had anything to chat about, never mind know how to do it.

Following my treatment I felt a bit like a space cadet as well as feeling a bit nauseous. This hasn't happened on my previous treatments, well not immediately, it's usually a few day later.

Rachael has been a star keeping me going with friendly daily text messages as she is away. This has really helped boost my morale and I am so looking forward to seeing her again on Sunday.

Today as I was only getting the chemotherapy drug I wasn't at the clinic as long. Thing is today the infusion really did bloody hurt. The chemotherapy drug comes straight out of the refrigerator and as it went in i got a sort of hard to describe sensation. A bit like a burn, yet freezing cold. I suppose I can only imagine it as like a frost bite sort of sensation. I was so glad when it was over. Sandra the very friendly nurse gave me a towel to drape over my arm whilst the drugs went in. In an effort to keep my arm warm.

Following my treatment I decided not to ring Ern and get a lift home, no in my wisdom I decided to set myself a challenge and walk the 8 miles home. So off I set in a poorly fitting socket and my flat soled shoes. Both socket and shoes were to prove a nightmare. As I blistered on my sit bone and my good foot within the first mile. Ah well only another seven to go. By the time I reached about mile four I was really struggling. Just then Rachael gave me an unexpected call and this really helped me through the next mile and a half as we chatted. Rachael is so loving and caring and I could tell she was a bit concerned, saying "don't over do it, call your dad". "It's a challenge" I replied to which she giggled. I think she is starting to understand what I am like and admires my determination and positivity. These are two qualities that sort of drew us together and I am very proud I possess them. So many people just sit around and whine and bitch, instead of taking positive action to enrich their lives.

By the time I approached the top of South Moor bank and the traffic lights at the Arch I was in so much pain. The worst was yet to come however and that was getting down the bank to my house. I decided to use a tactic I use when out on my single speed a zig zag through the houses and down the bank. Eventually I got in, it had taken me 3 hours and 47 minutes not a record I know. I covered 7.85 miles and I also burnt off 828 calories which is a few KitKats.

What a relief taking my leg and shoe off. Ahhhhh! time for a nice bath.... OMG! that stings as the water touched my botty blister. Just bought some lovely honey bath and shower gel, it was so relaxing and really hit the spot. Not bothered if our Kayleigh says I'll smell like a lass.

Now out the bath and feeling rather proud yet rather sickly, tired and sore. A rest day tomorrow me thinks then I'm off to see Rachael on Sunday and can't wait.

Dodgy blood tests

After attending the chemo unit at Durham last Wednesday for my routine blood check I was informed there was a problem with my white blood cell count, something called neutrophils. This means my immune system is pretty low and I am at a higher risk of infection and becoming neutropaenic. All big words I know, not sure I understand everything myself.

I have felt real tired over the last few weeks and thinking I was going to get my chemo on Thursday and Friday of last week I had the days booked off.  I decided to still take the days and aslo take a few more as a sort of breather before I hopefully am allowed to go ahead with more treatment this Thursday and Friday. I just want to get it over with and then get back to some semblance of normality.

I'm really missing not riding as much, as well as not keeping up with my swimming. I'm really critical of myself and also really hard at times. So this lack lustre feeling of no motivation is really bugging me. Luckily I have some great support and it helps immensely.

Lots of things are going on in my life some not so good, whilst others are simply amazing. Lots of mixed up feelings and emotions that I am trying to understand, whilst trying to not over analyse and wreck everything.


Love this cartoon image and quote  so thought I  would share.

Cycle 3 sessions 5 and 6

It's that time of the month again, where I have to go for my chemotherapy and antibody treatment. Wow the time is flying by. Once this cycle is done I'm half way through. This will be cycle 3, sessions 5 and 6.

Yesterday I visited Shotley Bridge Hospital for my treatment. Now it's been established I have not got an allergic reaction to the Ritixmab the antibody drug I'm currently on I am allowed to go to a smaller hospital. It's a lot easier for me as getting parked at Durham's UHND can be a bit of a nightmare. I am sure glad I didn't have a reaction to the drug as apparently it can be quite nasty and scary, the nursing staff comparing it to something like anaphylactic shock.

The treatment took around 5 hours to all go through yesterday, it's a bit uncomfortable sitting in one place that long as you get all stiff and the time drags. Not complaining though as I always meet some very pleasant people who are also getting various treatments. It's very nice to hear of their stories and experiences and in turn tell them some of mine. The McMillan nurses are also amazing, oh and I can't forget the McMillan volunteers who provide assistance and a warm welcome, they do a sterling job.

Following my treatment my dad, Ern, treated me to a Big Mac at MacDonald's. I was Hank Marvin, even though I had had a chicken sandwich at around lunch time very kindly given to me by the hospital.

I have noticed as time has gone by and after each session of treatment it's effecting me just that little bit more. Last night for instance I felt really sick. I know it's a common side effect of chemo, however I haven't really experienced it on my other two treatments until around 4 to 7 days afterwards. When I awoke this morning I felt a bit better and I'm now just waiting for 2 O'clock to come around and my next session. If I'm honest I'm feeling a little intrepid about these next sessions as I know physically I'm feeling just a little more tired and uncomfortable after each one.

Recently I had to go back and see my haematology doc as I have been getting really itchy areas of skin. It appears I am having some sort of a reaction to some of the treatment or drugs I'm taking. My friend Amanda researched general side effects of the chemo and stuff and it looks as if I have what are called "Hives". Boy when they flare up they are so annoying and rather sore, painful and very, very itchy. When I go for a shower and they are there, it's like when you have a bad sunburn, you know that burning sensation as the water cascades over your skin.

All in all I don't feel I have to much to complain about, my lumps and bumps have all but gone and so far I have been able to continue in my physio assistants role. I was gutted I had to quit my other new job. It just came at the wrong time and I felt myself getting stressed over being over committed. I have learnt that I have to do what is right for me and having undue stress in your life is no good at all.

So on a physical level I am feeling guilty about not getting out, but do realise I have to give myself a break. I haven't turned a crank in weeks. Yesterday I walked up 4 flights of stairs I hate taking the lift and boy was I knackered by the time I got to the top. Mentally I'm in a fairly good place and proud of how I'm coping with stuff. Yeah I'm real annoyed with my self for my lack lustre motivation in wanting to head out and ride, or even swim, but like I say I have to listen to my body and not over do. I mean it's not like I have anything to prove.

I felt quite proud yesterday and hopefully don't come across as being big headed when I say I get this often, when a fellow patient commented on my positivity. I don't know if you would class my analytical mind as a downfall and a hinderance or if it is actually a postive aspect of who I am, but it does allow me to think deeply about every situation and nine times out of ten put things in perspective. One of the best things ever for me is being able to work on a busy ward with some people who are very ill. This gives me focus and everyday I count my blessings as I realise just how lucky I am to have the life I do.

Well I guess I've wrote enough on that subject for today. "No pics" I hear you say.
   

Baxter an I

 Ahh well I went out in the garden this morning with Baxter and my son Kyle and we got a few so here they are. Baxter has just had his second set of shots so this coming Tuesday can go out for his first walkies out side of our garden. I'm very excited to be able to take him out and show him so of our local haunts where we used to walk Mr Hink's. When he is a bit older and I'm well I am looking forward to see if he will attempt a swim with me up at Druridge Bay.

Baxter and Kyle

Baxter is an amazing little lad. So far he has learnt "where's he at" and comes running. He responds very well to the training clicker. Baxter now can have a treat put directly in front of him and be told "Leave" and will follow command. I'm very impressed in how quickly he has picked up all these commands. We are currently on learning "Down" and "Paw". Oh and trying to get him out of the habit of chasing feet and undoing shoe laces as well as picking up everything he isn't supposed to pick up in our garden, including twigs, leaves and attacking the flowered bushes.

   

Eyes on the prize

Ain't he cute

Baxter loves ears

Baxter

Scuffed nose off the bushes

Have I got  to get my pic taken

Fun fights

Man I'm starting to understand what it must be like to be poisned ! ... I need your help too?

Today has been the worst so far following my chemotherapy treatment last Thursday and Friday. It's very hard to explain how exactly I feel. It's a bit like having a really bad and I mean the worst imaginable hangover in the world, along with heart burn and the sense that someone has kicked me all over. Add to the fact I can't stop running, (well not quite running in my case) to the toilet every five minutes for a tinkle and then the embarrassment of constantly farting. Well if I'm going to be honest why hold anything back... Parrrrrrrp! there's goes another one!

Something I also forgot to add is tiredness, however not tiredness in the sense of "Oh I'll have a nap". No it's a bone weary tiredness, a better word to describe it is fatigue. At the moment I'm having real problems sleeping and finding I'm going to bed late and rising at stupid O'clock then waiting to go to work.

It's as if you can physically feel the chemical assassin attacking not just the rogue cancer cells but also the healthy good cells. Day by day I have felt just that bit sicker. Of course really I'm quite lucky in the fact that my cancer is a low grade one, so once I've finished up shoring up my natural defences with the help of these treatments I should be able to get back to normal.

As I'm not sleeping it's given me a lot of time to ponder what the hell am I doing. I can't possibly just sit back and let this nauseating wave of negativity engulf me. I have to be or at least feel proactive. So this morning I sent Matt and Bex from Arctic ONE a message with a few ideas on how I can turn this around in my favour. My idea was that I could do some sort of a sponsored something or another and create a bit of awareness around Arctic ONE and also cancer related diseases and the impact it has on people.

As many of you will know I was due to take part in my second Arctic ONE Triathlon this month, but unfortunately just don't feel I can do the swim or run sections. I put to Matt and Bex that I could maybe just do my own challenge on Arctic ONE's behalf and so that is what I intend on doing.

I jested to Matt maybe I could do a sponsored ride seeing how many times I could get around the 5km course of Dorney lake before I puke. Of course if it was based on farting and everyone sponsored me we would be able to fund an entire squad of elite athletes lol.

So anyhoo that's my thoughts and my aim, to do as many laps around Dorney as I can. The Arctic ONE Dorney Tri-Festival is on the 28th and I get my 3rd and 4th session of chemo on the 25th and 26th. I know if I have the support like in the past I will do all the guys at Arctic ONE proud and I may feel like I can redeem a bit of this year.

If you would like to help support me and all my friends at Arctic ONE please visit here

Glenn's Virgin Just Giving Page


And thank you , this is very close to my heart x

Round 2 of treatment, then a very enjoyable bike ride to gather my thoughts...

Today was round 2 or should I say cycle 2 of my treatment. It was to get the second infusion of chemotherapy. Whilst I spent roughly 7 hours in a chair yesterday, today was much quicker as the bendamustine doesn't need to be monitored quite like the antibody drug which can cause certain reactions as lowers your blood pressure.

As I'm going through this treatment I'm learning a little about the respective drugs and what they do. The Chemo drug attacks both healthy and cancerous cells. My immune system will become very weak so I have to take care of myself. Tiredness comes in when red bloods cells are affected and the immune bit comes from the lack of white blood cells. The critical period between treatments is about 10 days in as this is when you are at your lowest, however I may be feeling tired in a few days time.

Before setting of for hospital I had to remember to take my concoction of new medication, what a pain in the arse. Tablets for this and that, but hey if they help me feel better I'm not going to complain...Much lol!

I arrived at UHND chemotherapy clinic just before 11:00am and saw a different nurse today. She was very pleasant just the sort of person you want looking after you. We shared a bit of banter whilst the nurse got all the stuff ready. She then popped off and got a warm bowl of water to soak my hand in, I found this quite relaxing. Then it was time for the unpleasantness to begin, yep the dreaded needle. First attempt was a complete fail "Ouch" I knew as soon as the needle went in that it wasn't in right as it proper stung. I've noticed over the past two days my phantom pain has been horrendous I now think I know why. You know when you see or feel something that makes you cringe, well when it happen to me my phantom pain starts. It's just like a uncontrollable subconscious reaction and it sucks. Ok attempt number 2, much more successful. I was given a quick flush with saline then the bendamustine was pumped in. Bloody hell it was cold having just come out of the fridge. The nurse kindly popped a towel over my arm, but it still felt freezing. Never mind I was only hooked up for a little over 35minutes.

Chemotherapy Treatment Round One...Ding Ding!

 Ooh a couple of days off work, for many of us this is a real treat, for me though I'd much rather be at work and just lead an ordinary hum drum sort of day. I'm never more happy than when I'm the one trying to help other people get better,recover or just try to make their day more bearable. Being a patient sucks and I have had my fair share on the side of the curtain.

When it's my turn to be a patient and I'm not feeling so good I always try to make sure I put the correct head on in the morning and be as friendly, positive and helpful as a patient can be towards the clinical staff and other patients as from personal experience it really does help things go along a lot smoother and more efficiently, hence getting you out that little bit quicker, well hopefully.

That wasn't the case today, No not because I was being stubborn or rude or had indeed incorrectly chosen my grumpy head, yes it does exist, it's way back in the darkest recesses of my wardrobe gathering dust. I don't like that head. Today was long because of the type of drug treatment I was going to be going through.

I arrived at the University Hospital of North Durham (UHND) just before my appointed time of 9:00am and was immediately introduced to the nursing staff and directed to a seat. One of the nurses  came over and checked all my details and got straight on preparing all the required gear to get me up and running. A needle was placed in the back of my left hand. Now I have had many needles popped in over the years, however the experience never gets any easier for me. I still always feel nervous,clammy and queasy. The nurse was very attentive and caring frequently asking "are you ok". I'd like to say maybe I'm really scared of needles because of a few incidents where I can recall things didn't go well. Over the years there have been a few dodgy incidents one being when I visited the old South Moor community hospital which is now no more. Having being demolished and the ground left unattended for a good few number of years. I hear more new houses will be built on the sight. This to me is a real shame as in my opinion a modern community hospital or a similar rest-bite and or hospice should have replaced the old hospital which had a really good reputation and stunning grounds. Instead no doubt there will be town houses built in a deprived area where people struggle to find work. Anyhoo getting back to the needle incident a nurse at the old South Moor Hospital I think completely missed my vein or went through it. I got like a dead arm and I'm sure she drained more than the required alotted amount, the pain was horrendous. A few days later my whole arm was tingly and went black and blue.

My next bad experience was when I was in theatre awaiting the anaesthetist. You can kind of tell things aren't going to go well when the anaesthetist enters the room, glasses on and all chirpy, introduces himself then proceeds to walk into the over head projector surgery light with a reverberating "Doinggg!" after hitting his head. I really did panic when he then went to put the needle in my hand and I heard those not so encouraging words of "Oops". The words "Oops" and clinical staff never go well together, especially when sharp instruments are involved.
Really it's just a case I'm a natural born pussy and have always been fearful. From an early age if I knew there was some sort of vaccination going on at school I would think of a way of getting the day off.

Now my technique for needle fear is look away and think of something like a shopping list, obviously not a boring food shopping list, no a bike porn shopping list. See it worked "sharp scratch" the nurse says and it's in and taped down. A quick flush with some saline and then the nurse is on taking my blood pressure.

The antibody drug Ritixumab is then placed upon my drip stand,attached and fed in ever so slowly. This drug can cause an allergic reaction and lower a patients blood pressure so has to be infused very slowly. The bendamustine which is the chemo drug can go through a lot quicker.

As I sat in the recliner chair the chemo department started to fill up. And after a while I struck up a conversation with a very nice gentleman and shortly after a lovely couple. We discussed a wide variety of topics which as you can imagine included what types of cancer we had all presented with. I have to say I was amazed at how up beat and open everyone was. The young lady of the couple asked some very interesting questions as I did of her. I like people who are like this, they quite often say "I hope you don't think I'm being rude". I don't think it's being rude to take an interest in someone it's just being inquisitive and this is how we learn and grow. I discovered the young couple just live up the road from me in my good friends Lee and Michelle's estate so I fully intend to take them up on their offer and call in and see them at some point. I would love to introduce them to Lee and Michelle as they are genuine friendly salt of the earth people and what with Michelle kicking cancer's ass in her brave fight last year well it gives us all common ground. People don't realise that cancer doesn't just effect the person who has it, it effects whole families and close friends too. For me speaking as someone caring for my mam when she had terminal pancreatic cancer I can't describe the emotional roller coaster and the feelings of guilt and anger I went through. Of course I was also very proud when I heard my dad tell people of how  proud he was of how I cared for my mam in her final weeks. When we lost my mam it was a huge devastaing loss, however I took something positive from her passing and I use it almost everyday in my current job. Compassion and care and looking at how I can do the best for people. I know my mam would approve of this and be so very proud to see that although I was never going to be a high flyer I am happy in what I do and how I try to make a difference.

Today was one long session, 7 hours sat in a reclined chair does your back no good at all. As I'm sat here typing this up I can honestly say that the worst thing about today is my back, it's aching like hell tonight. So No not the sickness so far it's early days but I have none. Yes I'm tired, but hey that may be that I have been feeling tired for months now anyhoo. I did have a bit of a headache when I left the treatment and also felt a tad light headed, a good long doze cured that when I got in after having something to eat.

I now have lots of other meds to take at home. Steroids, ant- sickness meds and more anti-sickness meds in case the first ones don't work. Oh and the ones I'm going to hate taking which are anti-biotics. I will be on these the length of my treatment 6 months, then have to take a further 6 month course.

Tomorrow is round 2 at 11am, it shouldn't take as long as it's just the chemo treatment. Then I'm off for a month before round 3 and 4 start.

I have been given advice on do's and don'ts. Things like not mixing with people with infections and being more careful should I go out mountain biking. I have a habit of getting scrapes and scratches so ill have to be aware of these and try and watch what I'm doing. I caught my leg on a wire fence pole when out with John last week and got a big scrape. Any other time it would be considered innocuous, I will now have to think just that little bit more and take a tad more care.

I will write more for hose of you who are interested, trying to keep it light, but real.

I will end with my  Virgin Just Giving Page. I'm not asking for donations for myself but my chosen charity Arctic ONE who have been of immense support to me. Arctic ONE helped fund raise to get me a running prosthesis and obviously I'm gutted I can't take part in this years Arctic ONE Tri- festival at Dorney Lake. I know this has been out of my control, never the less I still feel a sense of failure and guilt at letting everyone down. That includes my friend Brian Bartlett who always writes such inspiring mails to me. Pace Rehab for their tireless  work, Bike Swanky who sponsor me on my PYGA and of course Arctic ONE. I have had great words of encouragement from all these people and I guess that support epitomises what these people represent. Of course what they get from me is they know I will never quit and I write a lot...I mean a lot. It only takes one person to say something that then sparks an interest in someone else and before you know it people are sharing info and ideas and looking at positive ways to help support or change things for the better. Well that's what I hope happens when I write, you guys are the judge of that.

A huge thank you to everyone you, help to make me who I am and life's battles appear easy with friends at your side.

Pre Chemo Ride

Next week I start the first of my sessions of chemotherapy and antibody treatment. The Chemotherapy treatment will last 6 months and will be twice per month, whilst the antibody treatment is spread over 2 years and once per month. In some bizarre, really weird and quite fruit cake'ish way I'm actually looking forward to getting started. By that what I mean is I'm just fed up with watching and waiting and feeling crap. I am relieved that after 7 years of having this shitty disease it's now time to reclaim a big part of myself back and hopefully get that spark back which I feel I have lacked for some time now

As many of my friends know I'm not entirely sane and tend to analyse stuff. One of the thoughts that has come to me is that "wow even my own body doesn't like itself". I mean cancer is essentially our own cells attacking our own selves lol. Cancer cells although not what anyone really wants are pretty interesting. I'm no scientist, but if you think of a cancer cell as being a rogue cell and a one that doesn't die off, but keeps multiplying, then why can't a scientist reverse engineer the cells and create something to benefit us all. I mean if we had good cells that didn't die off maybe we would live longer and for some of us be even more beautiful. I don't think I could become any more beautiful so I'd be screwed. Sure some scientific boffin will read my blog and choke on their sandwich laughing on my neat concept lol.

According to the weather dude it was supposed to be a nice day today and boy he wasn't wrong. I met up with my buddy John around 8:30am and we headed off along Fox & Parrot wood. I had asked John if he fancied helping me make a little video the night before and he was happy to help. It's handy having someone to use the GoPro app and as I was going to try and use my back pack WizMount, well it can be a nightmare when you are on your todd.
    

Thanks to John for coming for a ride and helping me out with my camera gear