Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Time to think positive

The last few months have been difficult due to all this treatment, however even more so as my white blood count has been so low. Last month I was at around 0.72 and this month it had dropped to 0.14. On today's visit to Shotley Bridge and the chemo day unit my WBC (white blood count) had only marginally risen to 0.52. Ideally I need it to be at at least 1.5 so I can have treatment, this means I have a way to go.

At the moment I have a slight cold and this could be effecting how quickly my WBC comes up. I'm going to have to be a little cautious I guess as I really don't want to be spending time in some hospital ward.

After calling one of the G.P's at my local surgery I felt a bit better in my thinking as the doctor agreed I really should be off work and she had no qualms about issuing me a sick note. In my head i tend to think of this whole situation as no big deal and just wish I could get the bloody thing over and done with and get back to whatever 'normal' is for someone like me.

I've spent the last few weeks feeling rather down what with one thing and another I go through periods like this and always learn from them. Sometimes I need down time to allow me to reflect and appreciate 'hey you know what I can't always fix everything and it's not always my fault'. Sometimes things just follow a course or path that makes us sad or unhappy, but hey that is just life and no matter what we try to do fate or destiny or whatever you want to call it just keeps on coursing ahead.

I guess it's now time to regroup and think positive and get things in to  perspective and just do what I do best, dust myself off say 'Fuck it' and aim to be the best person I can be for myself and others.

As many of you will know I have a habit of writing from the heart and I think that is why so many people like my writing style. As I was out riding my bike the other day and was totally knackered, a song came on my mp3 player and  the lyrics certainly touched a chord with me as that was the way I was feeling at the time, they went as follows 'Wheeling through an endless fog', how the hell I managed to then get up that geet big hill amazed me, as I was feeling pretty depressed. It's funny how music can have such an impact on you and boy at times the fog is so thick.

Today however I feel a bit different, not sure why I mean things aren't exactly great, but I just know that the fog will never remain endless. Even when we feel life isn't exactly treating us kindly, change is occurring every second of every day, sure we can feel sorry for ourselves and try to slow it down, but it is inevitable, so why not go with the flow and move forward instead or trying to remain static. I think my biggest achievement is possibly in trying to give other people hope. Especially when they hear 'yeah I get down', I'm quite proud I can also get back up and learn from my experiences each time.

Just some thoughts from today :)

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