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| Just Me |
As my blog title says, " I don't claim to be a poet, a musician or particularly good at anything other than being me". However, if you would like to comment, good or bad, please feel free to do so, either way, negative or positive, it will inspire me to become more creative, I guess.
I have been practising and learning to play the guitar for roughly 2 years now. I don't know if it is because I am relatively old to start learning new things, or I am just plain thick. However, I am not that good. The thing is, whilst I would love to be able to play any song and, if the fancy took me, be able to go on the local streets and busk to a great reception from an audience, I don't mind just trying my best and messing around with my various guitars. It brings me great joy, relaxes me, and takes me away for a little while. It has even helped me become creative and I have gone on to write what could either be considered songs or poems.
Parts of one of my songs/poems have been incorporated into the short documentary film I was invited to take part in, " Meet The Local Hero - Glenn Johnstone". I had to try and read the poem out loud and record my feelings about my words so that it would give a good representation in the film. This was a bit more difficult than I first thought, so I took a few takes. However, I was happy with the final results as was Dragos the director and Filmmaker.
Here is the poem that I wrote in its entirety and parts of it were used in the film.
Dark Thoughts
Thoughts so dark inside of my mind, Questions of how did I end up here.
No escape I'm so scared, locked in and trapped here, inside my head, it's a deathly tomb.
Imagination creates a barren wasteland, played out in black and white
I try to flick my inner switch, to seek a corner and hide away.
Numb to the core, Can't sleep, Don't speak I think I'm losing my mind.
A dark chasm lies before me, an abyss to steal all hope away.
Suddenly I'm at its edge, if I fall now I'm forever lost.
The wind howls its wicked threats, it tries to push and I push back.
Ruinous shadows, malignant monsters, who reach out for me.
The call goes out to my inner white knights, to gather forces, charge in on horses.
So much pain endured as this fight rages on
Thoughts of survival, good versus evil, then I see a light in the darkness,
It's an epiphany, that comes to me, a thought inside my mind the light shines warm and kind, it comes along to help me escape this place.
No escape I'm so scared, locked in and trapped here, inside my head, it's a deathly tomb.
Imagination creates a barren wasteland, played out in black and white
I try to flick my inner switch, to seek a corner and hide away.
Numb to the core, Can't sleep, Don't speak I think I'm losing my mind.
A dark chasm lies before me, an abyss to steal all hope away.
Suddenly I'm at its edge, if I fall now I'm forever lost.
The wind howls its wicked threats, it tries to push and I push back.
Ruinous shadows, malignant monsters, who reach out for me.
The call goes out to my inner white knights, to gather forces, charge in on horses.
So much pain endured as this fight rages on
Thoughts of survival, good versus evil, then I see a light in the darkness,
It's an epiphany, that comes to me, a thought inside my mind the light shines warm and kind, it comes along to help me escape this place.
The words describe how I was feeling, probably at my lowest point when I was ill with my Right leg in 2006/2007, just before I had it amputated in September 2007, It's funny how memories stick with you and can create something out of a negative experience.
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Next is a Poem/song about my dream of getting away and that house I always go on about in Scotland.
A Dream of Getting Away
The grass lying here it's all dead right here under my feet / I live in the pure hope that one day I'll escape.
I let my eyes close shut, and I drift off to sleep sweet surrender it's now felt as reality gently fades.
A seed planted so deep whilst I'm in my sleep tended to with so much love to bloom into life.
Wandering around in my mind filing cabinets store my dreams only opened by me I have the secret key.
A favourite dream is found it's formed in my mind. Stored safe in this place each day it's where I am happy.
I find myself beside a loch shore it's calming / tranquillity / found there it's good for my soul.
Washed up on the shore each pebble a dream so many lay there which one to choose.?
Pebbles polished by time carried by ebb and flow picked up and now treasured a gratitude stone.
A tartan land is where I really long to be, the beautiful Monroe's the lochs and all the trees.
I picture a wee house a place I can call home, no stresses or worries I rest my Weary Soul.
Now I'm inside my house lying there on the couch my hand on the wood floor the house whispers you're home.
A log fire burning giving off a warm glow the flames casting shadows which dance all around.
Now I don't drink whiskey but here sits a wee dram it came from a local distillery right here in town
A record is spinning an old vinyl relic a forty-five playing knocking out an old tune.
My own piece of heaven I carry it deep within, will this dream come to pass only time will reveal.
Tomorrow I'll return and play out this same scene in the hope that one day my dreams will all come true.
I let my eyes close shut, and I drift off to sleep sweet surrender it's now felt as reality gently fades.
A seed planted so deep whilst I'm in my sleep tended to with so much love to bloom into life.
Wandering around in my mind filing cabinets store my dreams only opened by me I have the secret key.
A favourite dream is found it's formed in my mind. Stored safe in this place each day it's where I am happy.
I find myself beside a loch shore it's calming / tranquillity / found there it's good for my soul.
Washed up on the shore each pebble a dream so many lay there which one to choose.?
Pebbles polished by time carried by ebb and flow picked up and now treasured a gratitude stone.
A tartan land is where I really long to be, the beautiful Monroe's the lochs and all the trees.
I picture a wee house a place I can call home, no stresses or worries I rest my Weary Soul.
Now I'm inside my house lying there on the couch my hand on the wood floor the house whispers you're home.
A log fire burning giving off a warm glow the flames casting shadows which dance all around.
Now I don't drink whiskey but here sits a wee dram it came from a local distillery right here in town
A record is spinning an old vinyl relic a forty-five playing knocking out an old tune.
My own piece of heaven I carry it deep within, will this dream come to pass only time will reveal.
Tomorrow I'll return and play out this same scene in the hope that one day my dreams will all come true.
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This next poem is kind of sad I guess, it relates to being isolated and the feeling that you are all alone. It's just a short one.
It's called
When You're All Alone
When you're all alone, and the only hand, to hold is your own, feels like no one cares.
Building walls so high what's there real purpose To protect your heart or to save your soul.
Don't want to be part, of the rat race, rather be alone, and do your own thing.
Just like an old toy, Worn torn and threadbare, maybe lost an eye, or a missing limb.
Lying rejected, in a darkened place, questions in your head, will it be okay.
Always feeling lost, like you don't fit in, trapped inside your mind, why so critical.
Learn to love yourself, value who you are, we're not all the same, you're the only one.
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Next, we have a poem/song I tried to put music to this one and it's called simply
Ride
Warm golden sun on skin, radiant light reaching deep within.
Where should we go today?
Where should we go today?
Then a beautiful place comes to mind.
A tranquil woodland, not far away, it's so magical.
Lost in thought feeling free, searching for flowing lines between the trees.
Tires bite, dust rises up, with one foot down drifting a bend.
With a mind so crystal clear, all stresses fade so far away.
Passing trees, at an epic pace. It feels so good to escape the daily rat race.
Dry fallen leaves scatter the ground, riding through them a susurrus sound
Blue skies way up above flared light through a broken canopy.
A jump, a drop skidding to a stop. The chance to take in this Arcadian scene.
The songs of birds, and their melodies, are carried on the warm soft breeze.
A flowing stream, discovering its path, meandering this way and that.
Nature doesn't need words, it speaks directly to your heart and soul.
A tranquil woodland, not far away, it's so magical.
Lost in thought feeling free, searching for flowing lines between the trees.
Tires bite, dust rises up, with one foot down drifting a bend.
With a mind so crystal clear, all stresses fade so far away.
Passing trees, at an epic pace. It feels so good to escape the daily rat race.
Dry fallen leaves scatter the ground, riding through them a susurrus sound
Blue skies way up above flared light through a broken canopy.
A jump, a drop skidding to a stop. The chance to take in this Arcadian scene.
The songs of birds, and their melodies, are carried on the warm soft breeze.
A flowing stream, discovering its path, meandering this way and that.
Nature doesn't need words, it speaks directly to your heart and soul.
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This one is about, well I'll let you make your own mind up?
Beauty Lives In Scars
Beauty lives in scars fading in time memories live on a story of who you are.
Nature of your thoughts find happiness where's it hiding come out let's go play.
In a room that's full of thoughts that creep in invisible lost and lonely, no one knows.
Tilted screens are viewed unconscious minds don't care to find the truth behind what they see.
Beauty lives in scars fading in time memories live on a story of who you are.
Nature of your thoughts find happiness where's it hiding come out let's go play.
In a room that's full of thoughts that creep in invisible lost and lonely, no one knows.
Tilted screens are viewed unconscious minds don't care to find the truth behind what they see.
A life not to plan you're compass is broke you can't find your way darkness drawing in all around.
Sending up a flare high into the sky, hope someone sees hope someone cares about you.
Mountains in your mind, they block your view and fill you with fear but once conquered the view becomes clear
We all have our scars some are on show some are hidden from view some of them run so deep.
Beauty lives in scars.
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This one relates to the 5 stages of grief.
5 Stages
Denial
Everyone losing yesterday,
all of those Memories of better days.
Time passes by so slowly, waiting for the great unknown. Denying reality,
wishing things were back to how they were. Just turn off the lights, Just lock the doors. Pretending it's not happening there is no one home.
Anger
It Feels like a really bad storm inside of my mind. I'm So angry all of the time.
Emotions at breaking point, with rage leading the way. A hurricane tearing at my thoughts I have no say.
I can't see through all of this red mist,
so much confusion I feel so lost
Bargaining
Is there a deal that can be made,
with either heaven or hell.
Bargains are offered but to what end,
all of my words fall on deaf ears.
Fate conspires at each turn,
an unwritten contract I cannot burn.
Praying for change, all of my dreams turning to ash
Depression
Those days that I'm feeling down,
this black dog Follows me all around.
Sometimes big, sometimes small.
This sombre hound is no friend at all.
The most dangerous human concepts
are hope and faith which are both lost on me.
I suppose something has to be lost,
before it can be found.
Acceptance
Time the great healer or so they say.
Searching for happiness, putting grief away.
Learning to accept the things I can't change.
Searching for answers, finding brighter days.
Learning to be honest / with how I feel.
Looking to the future embracing change
Just like a Phoenix born from ash,
I will rise I will shine.
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I wrote this one whilst lying on my bed looking at my dream boards LoL
I hadn't thought of a title until I just started writing on my blog, so I will just call it.
My Mind Goes Astray
Lying here my mind goes astray
The world around me just falls away
Lost in pictures that I have pinned in place.
Colliding thoughts I lovingly embrace.
Old pictures with their dog ears
Worn and faded they tell a tale.
A story of where I can touch and feel
A story of where I'm supposed to be.
Three pieces of paper with famous faces,
A Queen that's passed and Alan Turing.
Superman looks on with words of wisdom, he provides a plan not to become a victim. Find the hero in yourself, just try to do your very best.
A special necklace of sapphire blue
an old ruler I rescued from a fiend.
It's now retired seen better days
Pinned to my dream board it now stays.
A cheque made out to pay myself
The Promise of Imagined Wealth.
Paws prints from an old friend
A special reminder above my head.
A Poem to remind me to dream by day
Another to believe dreams can come my way.
A guitar that when played sounds blue.
I must learn to compose a happy tune.
Just a few things that I see each day.Things that have meaning to me in a special way.
The world around me just falls away
Lost in pictures that I have pinned in place.
Colliding thoughts I lovingly embrace.
Old pictures with their dog ears
Worn and faded they tell a tale.
A story of where I can touch and feel
A story of where I'm supposed to be.
Three pieces of paper with famous faces,
A Queen that's passed and Alan Turing.
Superman looks on with words of wisdom, he provides a plan not to become a victim. Find the hero in yourself, just try to do your very best.
A special necklace of sapphire blue
an old ruler I rescued from a fiend.
It's now retired seen better days
Pinned to my dream board it now stays.
A cheque made out to pay myself
The Promise of Imagined Wealth.
Paws prints from an old friend
A special reminder above my head.
A Poem to remind me to dream by day
Another to believe dreams can come my way.
A guitar that when played sounds blue.
I must learn to compose a happy tune.
Just a few things that I see each day.Things that have meaning to me in a special way.
Buddha and Buddy Christ sit on my shelf with a thumbs up and a happy smile they have real style.
Oh and did I mention the Geese?
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Yes, there are probably lots of spelling and punctuation mark errors, and probably the wrong format for poems, ahh who cares I just enjoy writing, it's good for the old mind.
Like I say, feel free to comment, you know I say that and I can see how many views I get, however, people rarely put a post back. It has me thinking is something broken upon my Blog other than Me Lol.
I maintain the rights to all of my work, so don't go nicking them lol
