PHFFFFFFFFFFF !!!

I can't do a sound of exasperation, tried my best in my tittle a Phffffffff !!! or a sigh sound. Here I am again with eyes like a fruit bat and wide awake at stupid o'clock in the morning.

Mmmmm what to do. Turn on the old computer and write some stuff I guess. Of late I have been dabbling writing poetry. It's way more difficult than I thought and I keep catching myself trying to make the bloody thing rhyme, which would probably make it more akin to a Limerick. I'm not even sure if when I read it back my stuff is a poem or just a group of words I've put together based how I'm thinking or feeling at any one time.

Never mind I decided I may as well share my stuff. I don't expect to win any awards or even much praise I just find writing therapeutic and well may be someone else will too.

My first poem I wrote was following my chemotherapy. It's short and just goes on to describe my first session of treatment.



Dark Therapy

A sharp scratch, leading to pierced skin,

Over active sensations as phantom pain kicks in.

Vein located, drugs infused,

Chemical assassin with no remorse.

Poison taken, now to wait,

The frozen veins capitulate.

Eternal cells will know there fate.

Fatigue comes hard, Sleep comes late, 

The next poem I wrote whilst thinking of a quote my good friend Brian Bartlett would end some of his emails with Keep keep Keeping On. It's about continuing on through adversity, whether that's big or small.

Keep keep keeping on

Born it begins, life’s great race, a journey into the unknown.
We lie then sit, crawl then walk and finally learn to run.

Goals are set, targets are met, sometimes we fail to achieve.

Hurdles are jumped, turns are took, the meandering path of life.

Time progress we un-relent and do what our bodies allow.

Life can be hard, life can be tough a spanner in the works.

So the thing that counts in large amounts is that we just,

Keep keep keeping on

And finally here's my latest creation. It's looking at how we are all different and sometimes we come together regardless of our differences, yet at other times people just don't get one another. 

People are like bits of Lego

People are like bits of Lego, they range in colour, shape and size.

Connections are made together, some simple, complex or simply insane.

People are like bits of Lego, who work to a design, they build many structures,

Some are quite successful whilst others fall at predestined junctures to the wayside

Not all people are like bits of Lego, some come in different forms.
Like stickle bricks, or Mechano, or malleable play dough.

It’s maybe why not everyone, is on the same winding path

As we try to stick a Lego bit, onto a stickle brick and cannot appear to work out the task

I’d like to think I was more akin to play dough, as I connect with all the rest.

I’m soft, I’m bright and I’ll reach and take hold and support you where I can.

 

Man I'm starting to understand what it must be like to be poisned ! ... I need your help too?

Today has been the worst so far following my chemotherapy treatment last Thursday and Friday. It's very hard to explain how exactly I feel. It's a bit like having a really bad and I mean the worst imaginable hangover in the world, along with heart burn and the sense that someone has kicked me all over. Add to the fact I can't stop running, (well not quite running in my case) to the toilet every five minutes for a tinkle and then the embarrassment of constantly farting. Well if I'm going to be honest why hold anything back... Parrrrrrrp! there's goes another one!

Something I also forgot to add is tiredness, however not tiredness in the sense of "Oh I'll have a nap". No it's a bone weary tiredness, a better word to describe it is fatigue. At the moment I'm having real problems sleeping and finding I'm going to bed late and rising at stupid O'clock then waiting to go to work.

It's as if you can physically feel the chemical assassin attacking not just the rogue cancer cells but also the healthy good cells. Day by day I have felt just that bit sicker. Of course really I'm quite lucky in the fact that my cancer is a low grade one, so once I've finished up shoring up my natural defences with the help of these treatments I should be able to get back to normal.

As I'm not sleeping it's given me a lot of time to ponder what the hell am I doing. I can't possibly just sit back and let this nauseating wave of negativity engulf me. I have to be or at least feel proactive. So this morning I sent Matt and Bex from Arctic ONE a message with a few ideas on how I can turn this around in my favour. My idea was that I could do some sort of a sponsored something or another and create a bit of awareness around Arctic ONE and also cancer related diseases and the impact it has on people.

As many of you will know I was due to take part in my second Arctic ONE Triathlon this month, but unfortunately just don't feel I can do the swim or run sections. I put to Matt and Bex that I could maybe just do my own challenge on Arctic ONE's behalf and so that is what I intend on doing.

I jested to Matt maybe I could do a sponsored ride seeing how many times I could get around the 5km course of Dorney lake before I puke. Of course if it was based on farting and everyone sponsored me we would be able to fund an entire squad of elite athletes lol.

So anyhoo that's my thoughts and my aim, to do as many laps around Dorney as I can. The Arctic ONE Dorney Tri-Festival is on the 28th and I get my 3rd and 4th session of chemo on the 25th and 26th. I know if I have the support like in the past I will do all the guys at Arctic ONE proud and I may feel like I can redeem a bit of this year.

If you would like to help support me and all my friends at Arctic ONE please visit here

Glenn's Virgin Just Giving Page


And thank you , this is very close to my heart x

Round 2 of treatment, then a very enjoyable bike ride to gather my thoughts...

Today was round 2 or should I say cycle 2 of my treatment. It was to get the second infusion of chemotherapy. Whilst I spent roughly 7 hours in a chair yesterday, today was much quicker as the bendamustine doesn't need to be monitored quite like the antibody drug which can cause certain reactions as lowers your blood pressure.

As I'm going through this treatment I'm learning a little about the respective drugs and what they do. The Chemo drug attacks both healthy and cancerous cells. My immune system will become very weak so I have to take care of myself. Tiredness comes in when red bloods cells are affected and the immune bit comes from the lack of white blood cells. The critical period between treatments is about 10 days in as this is when you are at your lowest, however I may be feeling tired in a few days time.

Before setting of for hospital I had to remember to take my concoction of new medication, what a pain in the arse. Tablets for this and that, but hey if they help me feel better I'm not going to complain...Much lol!

I arrived at UHND chemotherapy clinic just before 11:00am and saw a different nurse today. She was very pleasant just the sort of person you want looking after you. We shared a bit of banter whilst the nurse got all the stuff ready. She then popped off and got a warm bowl of water to soak my hand in, I found this quite relaxing. Then it was time for the unpleasantness to begin, yep the dreaded needle. First attempt was a complete fail "Ouch" I knew as soon as the needle went in that it wasn't in right as it proper stung. I've noticed over the past two days my phantom pain has been horrendous I now think I know why. You know when you see or feel something that makes you cringe, well when it happen to me my phantom pain starts. It's just like a uncontrollable subconscious reaction and it sucks. Ok attempt number 2, much more successful. I was given a quick flush with saline then the bendamustine was pumped in. Bloody hell it was cold having just come out of the fridge. The nurse kindly popped a towel over my arm, but it still felt freezing. Never mind I was only hooked up for a little over 35minutes.