What do you do to relieve stress?

So the other night I was feeling slightly stressed.  I had intended on heading out for a ride all day, but just never got around to it, busy sorting this daft bedroom out. When I did decide to finally go out I couldn't find my under shorts and then when I finally did find them I couldn't find my rear light. This just compounded my frustration and led to more feelings of "Aghhhhhh" I can't explain so that kind of sums it up.

Eventually I found all my gear but was so demotivated I decided to put it all away safely and just lie around feeling decidedly unhappy with myself "Pffffff".

This chemo has had some weird effects on me. I get really emotional and with being off work me being me I feel lazy. I'm not as active as I was and this gives me way too much time to over think every single situation and detail and generally get it totally wrong, creating more problems and complexities within my lets face it pretty simple life. Oh and did I mention my eye sight is horrendous now. I spoke to a MacMillan nurse and she informed me it may be due to the treatment. Driving on a night is the worst, as car lights feel like laser beams, they are just so bright. I quite often have to squint.

Looking out over Stanley at all the lights

The 3 Amigos ride again

It's been sometime since the 3 Amigo's have ridden together. I haven't seen Lee in months, what with not getting out and riding as much and then of course we all have our various jobs and different lifestyles and things to be doing. John on the other hand I see quite a bit of, well when I have been feeling well.

Anyhoo today was to be a special day and a chance for us all to have a catch up. Lee and John had done most of the arranging via Facebook and I just said "yeah I'll come along". The weather was supposed to be nice and we decided a route which would take us to Parkhead Cafe. It's round about a 37 mile there and back and the stop at the cafe halfway is always a welcome treat.
John arrived at my house for about 7:45 am and in typical fashion I was late. I always and i mean always lose something. This morning I couldn't find my Endura shorts and Arctic ONE Buff. Ern has been on sorting my inner wardrobes shelving in my room and everything is disorganised so my Ocd type layout of clothing which goes something like long sleeved shirts in colour order, short sleeved shirts with collars, T Shirts, Jeans, then casual shorts and then mountain bike gear colour organised was in total disarray. At the moment I have mountain bike gear with long sleeved dress shirts and shorts with other shorts that aren't mountain bike ones...Ok I'm going to stop writing about that as it's stressing me lol. You get the idea chaos in my room.

Eventually I discovered my Endura shorts hiding on the bottom rail and my Buff was where I had last put it in my Camelbak. Job sorted. I got my Fat Bike out and John and I headed over for Lee. Lee was almost ready and we were soon on the roll, heading over to the Font so that lee could grab a few quid out of the Post Office Speedbank.

We rode up past the entrance to South Moor Golf course and past the new housing estate, going up towards South Moor. A quick ride up Popular Street and we were soon at the bottom of the Black Path and heading up it to the top and Langley View. Soon we were over the road and up to the Morrison and his is where we got on the C2C. From there it's straight up to Parkhead, taking in Leadgate and Consett, before coming to Waskerley.
 

The 3 Amigos

Tango!

Me n Tango!

Upon visiting Ade and Amanda on Tuesday afternoon, talk came around to cars and my lack of one. I haven't had a car now since I sold my MINI  COOPER S way back in ooh I think it was 2007, a good few months before I had my leg amputated. Part of the cash I got for my car I gave to my dad to put towards our little Honda Jazz and the rest well I bought a rather expensive mountain bike.

Love at first sight

Anyhoo I was chatting way to Amanda and she asked me what did I fancy car wise. I have always fncied a "Smart Car" and had even done lots of research into getting one and then having it modified with a Hyabusa motor. The problem I always encountered was how to make the car semi automatic as I struggle with a clutch.

 Amanda happened to look upon Auto-trader asking me "what colour are you after", "Oh an Orange one I jested". After a few moments Amanda said "Hey there is one here in Orange". So I had a look and thought "wow that looks cool and it's not badly priced". Amanda sent me the link and I didn't really think anything more about it until the following day whilst out shopping with Ern.

"I'm just going to ring that garage and see if the car is still there" I said. I spoke to a lovely lad named Dean and pretty much decided then and there, you know what I'm going down to have a look at this car this afternoon.

Tango!

So that's what I did. I rang Ade asked him did he fancy a look down with Ern and I and we drove to Bradford. The garage was right next to Bradford Football ground and the Smart was in the forecourt, gleaming away. Dean invited me to check the car out, which I did and then it was job done. Make payment, sort out insurance then we had a drive home.

I'm very pleasantly surprised by this small shoebox on wheels. It is quite pokey for a 1.0 litre. I'm not sure I like the auto box as it is slow to change, however I have heard a remap can help with this. The interior is funky and has loads of room and I can get in and out with ease. It's also great on petrol and very comfy and fun to drive. The engine sound canny for a little car and the whole car feels like driving a go cart.

Rachael has decided to name my car Tango, it seems to fit as it is quite a bright orange colour.

Enjoyable jaunt out, but I can feel cells dying!

Had a really enjoyable ride out with John this morning. It was only a 15 mile local loop, taking in the Turbines on the Lonely road and more disgusting asshole fly tippers then down into Chapman's Wells. Then from there a ride back out and down to Holmeside , through the tail end of Craghead and down to Grange Villa. This is where we bumped into a very nice gentleman named Trevor and shared a good bit friendly banter.

Fly Tippers

Nice Filter on here

  Trevor asked about my prosthetic leg and informed both John and I he used to love to mountain bike, but unfortunately due to illness could no longer get out a s much. It was lovely talking to Trevor as I shared a certain empathy with him. Things like how at times you have felt like giving up, the "why me syndrome" and what the hell am I going to do now. Before giving yourself a good talking to and saying "you know what life isn't quite over just yet". Anyhoo long story short I told Trevor about my Blog and invited him to catch up with me on Facebook. We then discussed having a meet up at the Shepard and Shepherdess for a pint or tow. I love meeting new people and hopefully brightening up their day with a friendly "hallo". Life is so unexpected and you just have to go with the flow and grab all the opportunities you can.

  

Wheeeee!

Got to have a bit play

Even John joined in

 After saying shaking Trevor's hand and saying "bye", John and I headed up through Newfield, John getting the inevitable dog turd on his front tire. Well it wouldn't be a ride out with John if he didn't get some poo on his bike. It was then eventually across to High Handenhold where we got on the C2C and the route home. As we rode up the line I recognised my old boss from when I worked at Royal Mail. Melvin was a great manager and a gentleman I hold in very high regard. It was great to have a brief catch up.


Off the C2C and up Barn Hill, around by the indoor market and we were soon on to Stanley Front Street. I left John at his house saying "ta ta" and rushed down home to grab a shower. I was going to head out with my other friends Ade and Amanda and their middle son Jordan. I love hanging with all the Hair family as they are so warm and friendly. Ade and Amanda had invited me the day before to come along to the Hilltop and I "thought why not".


The Hilltop at East Stanley has all just been done out and made into a like proper prime beef type restaurant, that sells absolutely delicious steaks as well as fish and chips and other tempting things on their menu. I opted for a 12oz Rib Eyed Steak and wow was it beautiful, cooked to perfection, in my case medium rare. It was very reasonably priced to at £10.49. After the meal I was thinking I could possibly have polished off the 16oz, but not sure about the 32oz lol.

Mmmmmmm!

All in all a canny day like. Starting to feel the effects of the chemo again today. It's a strange feeling like yo can feel certain bits dying. I'm so tired right now. Quite a few people have commented I am maybe overdoing it, but I don't think so. I am feeling rather guilty being off work, so will see how I feel next week and hopefully make a return. Only 2 more cycles then I'm done with the chemo. I still have to go back and forth for antibody treatment of course for the next year and a half, but that is only once per month.

Ok will leave it there...

A painful day some unavoidable, some self inflicted

Yesterday as my bloods were sort of ok to go ahead with my chemo I received my 4th cycle. Wow it was tough going. After the nurse gave me some antihistamines I became really tired and kept nodding off. Thing was I couldn't get comfortable in the awful high chair I was sat in. The arms were to low so I ended up with a crick in my neck as I dozed. Five Hours sat in that chair and I was stiff as a board. It wasn't all bad however as I got chatting to some rather interesting fellow patients. One of whom informed me she was a psychologist working for the Open University. I really enjoyed our conversation and I am very proud that I can hold an intelligent back and forth. To think of years ago when I was practically socially isolated I wouldn't have had anything to chat about, never mind know how to do it.

Following my treatment I felt a bit like a space cadet as well as feeling a bit nauseous. This hasn't happened on my previous treatments, well not immediately, it's usually a few day later.

Rachael has been a star keeping me going with friendly daily text messages as she is away. This has really helped boost my morale and I am so looking forward to seeing her again on Sunday.

Today as I was only getting the chemotherapy drug I wasn't at the clinic as long. Thing is today the infusion really did bloody hurt. The chemotherapy drug comes straight out of the refrigerator and as it went in i got a sort of hard to describe sensation. A bit like a burn, yet freezing cold. I suppose I can only imagine it as like a frost bite sort of sensation. I was so glad when it was over. Sandra the very friendly nurse gave me a towel to drape over my arm whilst the drugs went in. In an effort to keep my arm warm.

Following my treatment I decided not to ring Ern and get a lift home, no in my wisdom I decided to set myself a challenge and walk the 8 miles home. So off I set in a poorly fitting socket and my flat soled shoes. Both socket and shoes were to prove a nightmare. As I blistered on my sit bone and my good foot within the first mile. Ah well only another seven to go. By the time I reached about mile four I was really struggling. Just then Rachael gave me an unexpected call and this really helped me through the next mile and a half as we chatted. Rachael is so loving and caring and I could tell she was a bit concerned, saying "don't over do it, call your dad". "It's a challenge" I replied to which she giggled. I think she is starting to understand what I am like and admires my determination and positivity. These are two qualities that sort of drew us together and I am very proud I possess them. So many people just sit around and whine and bitch, instead of taking positive action to enrich their lives.

By the time I approached the top of South Moor bank and the traffic lights at the Arch I was in so much pain. The worst was yet to come however and that was getting down the bank to my house. I decided to use a tactic I use when out on my single speed a zig zag through the houses and down the bank. Eventually I got in, it had taken me 3 hours and 47 minutes not a record I know. I covered 7.85 miles and I also burnt off 828 calories which is a few KitKats.

What a relief taking my leg and shoe off. Ahhhhh! time for a nice bath.... OMG! that stings as the water touched my botty blister. Just bought some lovely honey bath and shower gel, it was so relaxing and really hit the spot. Not bothered if our Kayleigh says I'll smell like a lass.

Now out the bath and feeling rather proud yet rather sickly, tired and sore. A rest day tomorrow me thinks then I'm off to see Rachael on Sunday and can't wait.

When the bad stuff just fades away...

As planned,  my friend John and I had a cracking ride out yesterday. I think it is the furthest I have ridden this year, not sure, but definitely the furthest whilst undergoing chemo and the furthest on my Fat Bike riding with Surly Nates. Those tires drag so much.

A riding selfie, it's all the craze with the young kids I swear

Our adventure began as usual at my house. John had contacted me the day before and asked did I fancy a ride out. To be honest, what with my blood results being better and being able to spend sometime with the new lady in my life Rachael on Sunday, I felt on top of the world. Yeah! there are still certain aspects in my life which suck, like being ill and being off work, but hey these will come right in due course. At the moment I'm just feeling so much love from Rachael and all my family and friends who have been ever so supportive.

Baxter has an aversion to water.

A rather laid back morning this morning. Having decided to take my good friend William Rosche's advice I made a bowl of porridge and went on to put in various berries into the mix. There were blackberries,strawberries,raspberries and blueberries. William has advised I try to eat a more healthy and balanced diet and add lots of berries, so that's just what I did.

As the weather was a bit naff outside and I'm still not quite feeling myself I decided I would have a root through my mp3 collection and on Spotify and make an album up of old tunes I like and maybe some new ones I could discover.

My dad is on sorting my bedroom out as we have totally stripped it. The wallpaper is off, the old bed has been thrown out and I'm waiting for a new one to arrive on Tuesday. Skirting board have been replaced and holes filled in walls. New sockets, switches and door handles purchased as well as a rather cool Chameleon light which I am looking forward to seeing in action. I asked Ern if I could do anything to help to which he replied "No not really", so I continued  searching for tunes. Well I tried to, you see we have this mischievous pup who is into everything. I finally had to give up and go keep him occupied, of course this was after he had done his Andrex puppy impersonation. Funny how on the TV the adorable Labrador runs away with the toilet roll and gently rolls it out. A bull terrier doesn't do this, no he much more prefers to take it out in the garden and proceed to rip it to shreds and have it all over the place. That's another toilet roll down. As there were none left he then decided what the hell I may as well eat the toilet roll holder. So it was fun and games chasing him around the house to retrieve the holder.    At lunch time Kyle and I decided to have a little snack. I had bought some asparagus and Parma ham as I had seen quite a few people eating it on these cookery programs and was interested to try it. It's a real easy snack to prepare, just wrap the ham around the asparagus and bang it in the oven for 5 minutes and hey presto done. Kyle wasn't exactly sure if he liked it. I however thought it was rather nice and would definitely have it again. It is a good source of vitamin E don't you know.

Baxter was back up to his usual tricks and pestering Ern as he tried to get stuff done. So Kyle suggested we take him out for a little walk. "How about the forges down at Beamish" I suggested. So off we set in the car. It doesn't take long to get down there. As we drove to where we could park up, it was absolutely chucking it down. Baxter was not impressed in the least and dragged all the way in to the woods, his little ears pinned back and trying to shake himself dry.

Baxter not impressed at all

 Once in the woods we took him to the small ford. He gave us the look "Nope it's never going to happen". Eventually he figured out how to step over from stone to stone without getting his paws wet. As Kyle went over the bridge I walked through the ford and brought Baxter along with me. It wasn't too deep, but he did not like it one bit. A few riders on horses passed us by in the woods and Baxter wasn't to sure of these, giving a little unsure growl. Finally he started to get a bit more confident and began to lead the way sniffing and exploring. We only went a short way before turning around and heading back, yes I dragged him through the ford again.

Got back home and Baxter was filthy and we were soaked through. Just enjoyed a nice hot shower.

  

I'm stuck

     

Is that a horse I spot

Screw You Cancer!

Yesterday I received a phone call from the cancer specialist nurse over at the University Hospital North Durham. She asked had I been to get my blood tests done, as I was due to be having my 4th cycle of chemo on Thursday and Friday. Last weeks was delayed as my neurophils, something I know nothing about were low. Apparently your neutrophils are the most abundant (40% to 75%) type of white blood cells and form an essential part of the innate immune system. They are formed from stem cells  in the your bone marrow. Anyhoo mine were low last week and so I needed to have more tests done before I could go ahead with treatment.

 

What?