Thursday, 17 September 2015

What do you do to relieve stress?

So the other night I was feeling slightly stressed.  I had intended on heading out for a ride all day, but just never got around to it, busy sorting this daft bedroom out. When I did decide to finally go out I couldn't find my under shorts and then when I finally did find them I couldn't find my rear light. This just compounded my frustration and led to more feelings of "Aghhhhhh" I can't explain so that kind of sums it up.

Eventually I found all my gear but was so demotivated I decided to put it all away safely and just lie around feeling decidedly unhappy with myself "Pffffff".

This chemo has had some weird effects on me. I get really emotional and with being off work me being me I feel lazy. I'm not as active as I was and this gives me way too much time to over think every single situation and detail and generally get it totally wrong, creating more problems and complexities within my lets face it pretty simple life. Oh and did I mention my eye sight is horrendous now. I spoke to a MacMillan nurse and she informed me it may be due to the treatment. Driving on a night is the worst, as car lights feel like laser beams, they are just so bright. I quite often have to squint.

Looking out over Stanley at all the lights

 So anyhoo come around 11:30pm on Tuesday evening I was so restless and stressed I decided to get all geared up and head out on my Fat Bike. It was pretty cold out, the sky was very clear as I rode up past the windmills and stopped to look out over Stanley on the lonely road it looked so pretty, what with all the street lights being lit up. Usually pretty isn't a word I would use to describe Stanley, but in the dark from my vantage point well it was. The sky was also very clear and with there being no street lights up on the top road I could see thousands of stars. I only had my mobile phone with me so unfortunately no real good pics. The little camera not being good in dark light.

Rather bright Moonie Light

I rode down from Wagtail lane and turned right, heading down Wilka's Bank, past Quakies and up through South Moor. As I reached the Arch I crossed the road and turned left and headed up to the Ox Inn and down the lane towards Harperley. As I came to the small bridge which the C2C runs across I turned right and got on to the C2C. Bloody hell it was dark and cold. I noticed my front light's battery indicator was now on red and as I rode down the trail I thought "God I hope my lights doesn't die on me". I find it difficult riding with a flashing light I keep thinking I am going to have a fit or seizure, it makes me feel weird so I had to keep the light on low beam.

Looking down the road at the windmill

As I got down to Beamish my mind was working overtime and I glanced back, a red glow behind me from my tail light. I don't know why but it was then I started imaging ghost and ghouls and "Errrr didn't someone once say there was a grey lady down in Beamish". My pace then quickened. I decided I had scared myself enough so got off the trail at High Handenhold and rode back up on the main road to Beamish "ahhhhh street lights". As I got to the Shepard and Shepherdess I rode up on the pavement past some trees on my left. This is when I saw a huge pair of eyes checking me out and as I got nearer I discovered it was an owl, just sitting about 5 feet away from me in a tree.

I decided to take in a bank, well I didn't have much choice if I wanted to get home, where I live is all banks. So I rode up the new road on the pavement. This is when I saw another owl as it soundlessly flew across my path. A little further up and I saw this round little ball at the side of the road. I then discovered it was a hedge hog. So I gave him or her a few friendly words of advice, saying "hey fella watch what you are doing this is a really busy road". I then continued on my way to the top of the bank and East Stanley. Once here it was easy as it's all down hill.

I finally got home after covering around 12.4 miles and I was pretty chilled and looking forward to a shower. As I slowed down and tried to manoeuvre my bike past Ern's car I lost my balance and ended up falling, splat! straight on my prosthetic side. It's awful when you can't un-clip and get your foot down and lose your balance. I then picked myself up and popped my bike in it's little home and went inside for a nice hot shower.

I really enjoyed my little ride out, it was so peaceful, no one about and it gave me time to do a spot of reflection. On just what's going on at the moment. Discovery wise I have realised I should be living more in the here and now and stop worrying about what could be or might never be and over complicating things. I tend to panic when I feel I am not doing enough. In reality no one else gives a stuff, it's just additional pressure I place upon myself I guess.

Anyhoo back to work on Monday, so that will give me some much needed focus...

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