I'm at almost zero

So cycle 5 is due on Thursday 1st  and Friday 2nd October, or rather it was. Just been for blood tests and the nurse came back with an 'Oh doesn't look like you will be having your treatment this week'. She then went on to grab another two nurses who came along to see me and all 3 of them appeared really concerned, one in fact not even wanting to breath on me lol. I was then lectured on if you have the slightest cough,cold,chill or fever you must ring up and inform us.

'How are you feeling?' they asked to which I replied 'Err a little tired and down'. I had thought I was coming down with a cold early last week, but it's nowt really a few sniffles and I have had a sore throat for ages now, it's no big deal.

Today my white blood count was practically at zero, reading 0.14, this means my immunity is pretty shocking. One of the nurses commented on how weird it was that I looked so well. Anyhoo the results from today means more time off work and I have to be really careful. So I guess when I go out for bike rides I will just have to pull up my Arctic ONE Buff and this should hopefully stop peoples Cooties from infecting me.

My daughter Kayleigh has been on the phone texting me. I have told her not to worry, this is just another challenge. The reply I got was ever so sweet and it shows how much she loves me.She said in a txt 'It's hard no to worry :( literally hate how everything shit happens to you! You don't deserve it :( xxx  I don't really believe in luck or misfortune, shit happens to good people all the time and I see people worse off than me almost every day of the week, so it makes me feel lucky for the things I do have in my life. Yeah I go through phases where I feel everything is against me and when this happens I tend to go into hiding to regroup which can scare some people as they must think I'll never return.

At the moment my worst fear is having to take more time off work. Not only do I feel I am letting my work colleagues down, as well as my patients, but being off means I have way too much time to think and analyse what exactly I am doing on this planet. Feeling slightly lost.com