A Few Days Holiday

I have been off work the last few days as I had some annual leave to use up before the end of March, so I only worked Monday and Tuesday of this week, then I have had the Wednesday, Thursday and will also have tomorrow off. Come the weekend no rest for the wicked however as I am off down to Darlington to do my Level 1 coaching with British Triathlon. I have been very kindly invited to take part in some coaching sessions by the head coach and my good friend Graeme Moore along at Phoenix Triathlon in South Shields. In order to do this I obviously need the relevant knowledge, experience and coaching certificate. I have helped Graeme out in the past with a few minor sessions and although I don't feel I do much, well Graeme always appears very happy to see me and that counts for a lot.

Truth be known (those of you who read my blogs know I always say it how it is lol) I have been feeling less than motivated. I am terribly critical and quite cynical of my performance, so when I am feeling I am not doing my best or just feeling quite unmotivated or lethargic I have a go at myself. Obviously this leads to feelings of being miserable, less than adequate and also that feeling I hate which is of failure. So I decided with my days off instead of just sitting in the house I would at least try and do something. So yesterday I went for an enjoyable yet really hard and cold ride out with my friend John. We rode locally and covered just over 23.5 miles, my furthest this year. I always find it amazing that we can still discover new places to ride locally and yesterday was no different.

Up The Black Path

A disastrous morning for poor John

John arrived at my house at around 7:30 am like we had arranged, he was not in the best of moods as his bike was cold lol. I think it must have got frozen during the night in his little shed as he was complaining of his rear brake and gears not working. I told him to bring his bike into our utility and had a quick check of his rear brake. It was  just a quick fix as the cable had come out from the brake lever.

It seemed to take me ages to get ready this morning, finally we were on our way. Just as I set off I discovered my adjustable ankle had seized. I gave it a few thumps but it wouldn't budge so I just thought 'Awww sod it'. As I caught up to John at the bottom of my street he said to me 'Awwww man I can't get me gears'. A quick look and I could see in his impatience and frustration he had stretched his gear cable, it was dangling down below his frame.

We carried along to the foot of the farmers trail and as John fiddled with his bike I set off. I hate stopping on banks, hills or inclines, especially where it is muddy or in this case covered in snow and ice as it is just so difficult for me to get a start again if I stop. So I was off, a nice steady pace to the top. John was unable to ride his bike and as i stopped at the top and looked around he was on pushing his bike up the hill. As we both approached the top of the farmers trail we had another look at John's bike. It became apparent that the inner cable for the rear gears had become stuck within the outer. A bit of poor maintenance on John's behalf there. John you need to make sure you look after the cables, it's not just a case of washing your bike, you also have to sometimes lube the cables. I can't talk of course, at one time I really didn't mind cleaning the various cars, motorcycles and push bikes I have owned, now I just cannot be arsed and only do it out of necessity.

As John couldn't really do anything with his gears we said our farewells. John headed home and I  ventured out alone. Bloody hell it was freezing and how I managed to ride a whole 10 miles without falling off is beyond me. I mean here's all this black ice which makes things more than difficult and I stayed on board my bike. It's ironic because come the summer and I am sure I will have a few spills when the weather is find and dandy lol.

Today's excursion was a somewhat muted one. I am still not feeling 100%, but cannot put my finger on what is up. I just feel a bit numb and desensitised to everything at the moment, a bit like I know I should give a shit but I don't. Kind of just on autopilot. That said even though my heart was not in continuing after John went home I pushed myself. Again thoughts of just how lucky I am sprung to mind and that inner voice which says 'don't quit, just head out and do a bit' came to mind.

I decided just to go down towards Beamish and although I did not get any pictures I did shoot a little bit of video with my GoPro. It's nothing spectacular, but hey I  was out and made the effort so instead of being overly critical I gave myself a bit of credit.

COLD RIDE OUT JANUARY 2016 from Glenn Johnstone on Vimeo.

I'm back in the New Year...2016

Hello everyone, wow it feels like a lifetime ago since I last blogged or really did anything of any real merit come to think of it. Whilst 2015 was not exactly the year I had planned I refuse to class it as a total right off. As in life full of ups and downs, new experiences some good some bad, the major factor being I am still here to bore you all to death with my continued adventures.

   

South Moor Park was a bit muddy

 I am not going to bang on about the chemotherapy, but will say it took more out of me towards the end than I was expecting and the last few months have been tough. I don't really like this time of year, not sure if I get that Saddo Affective Disorder...Oh sorry Seasonal Affective Disorder, or if I just always prepare myself to be miserable around this time of year. If I get reincarnated it will probably be as a bear or a hedgehog as they hibernate around this season. Anyhoo I have figured I am not feeling depressed I am just a bit wiped out, which I am told by my Cancer Nurse Specialist is to be expected.

Good to be out

Today was to be my first ride out of the New Year 2016, bloody hell what a simply lovely day to go out for a ride. My mate John had to really work hard to convince me to get my ass out of bed this morning. I went out more for John than anything else, Oh and my boss at work Annie who had also tried motivating me all week saying "dude you need to get back out on the bike". I have been back to work around 3 weeks or so now, on a phased return. It has been tough, however such a relief to just get back in the swing of things. As I rode around today, freezing cold and soaked to the skin I said to John 'You know what sometime we don't realise just how lucky we are'. I then went on to explain that the reason I feel so lucky is in my job I see less fortunate people each day. People who have  undergone such life changing illness and I think to myself 'what would they give to be able to just carry on with life as normal'. 

Simply lovely weather

I remembered to charge my lights

John loves playing in puddles

Heading towards Chapman's Wells

 So although today was wet, cold and very muddy and both John and I were proper out of shape after each having a long lay off the bikes it was a great morning. I actually like being out in the rain. I love the sound of the rain drops as they pitter patter through the trees and create little splashes and circles in the puddles. It was proper foggy today and quite a few of my pictures came out with water splashes on the lens, captured in the images. Still managed to get a few not so bad ones.

Came across this wellie, just in the middle of the trail. I wonder if an amputee had been out for a quick hop and left it behind...

A Random Wellie

I think we did just over 10 miles today and in typical fashion I took John on some of the muddiest trails locally that I could find. We finally arrived back at my house where we both gave our bikes a quick hose down and then John said Bye and he headed up the bank home, whilst I went in and had a lovely hot shower. I then set about looking through my pictures, editing a few and writing my blog.

   

Here's to a Great 2016, already got a few things in the pipeline and it's only January. Must get out on the bike more, get back in the pool and of course get this running blade sorted.

 
Best wishes for a Happy new Year to you all...

Me

Morning walkies, followed by family cooking and baking, with debates and laughter...

I awoke this morning around 9am. I had had a bit of a bad night last night, feeling quite nauseous and with an upset tummy, obviously I put this down to my treatment so got up and took some of my prescribed medication. I then dropped back off but had a fit full night. Anyhoo like I say up at around 9 am I decided to take wor Baxter for a walk. At one time Baxter hated walkies now he relishes the prospect so he was raring to go. Baxter is a right little bugger in that as soon as you pop his leash on he tries to grab it and then runs about tugging and jumping all over the place like a right hooligan. The only way I can get him to stop is by saying 'what's this' and reaching into my pocket for a treat.

Out the front gate and down the path, boy it was a little windy and cold, good job I had put my new North Face beanie on and my woollen gloves. We had just walked a little way down the path when Baxter decided 'oh I need to go for a poo'. I was using his extendible leader and callied to him 'Baxter wait, wait', you see the leader was under his tail. Yeah well I don't have to explain what happened next, but guess I will, dog crap all over the leash....Ewwww. I then had to get the dog bags from my pocket and one task I hate and always struggle with is trying to open the bloody things. Ok poop bag opened. Just then Baxter pulled on his leash and Omg! the dam thing snapped. See that's what happens when you chew on it, bad dog. I was passed myself as we were near the busy main road that runs just outside our front. I kind of panicked and started shouting 'Come here', I then calmed myself and remembered I had trained Baxter from being little to come to 'where's he at'. As soon as I said this in a calm voice and showed him a treat he came to me like a good lad. I got hold of his collar and then had the unenviable task of trying to tie a shit covered leash onto what was left of the other end, again Ewwwww. Good job I wasn't far from home. We went back home where I almost scrubbed the skin off my hands and I had to find another leash.

I then took Baxter out again and we headed over towards the allotments near the Millennium Green. There are some horses in the fields and nearby enclosure and Baxter likes to go and see them. He is one of the most friendly dogs I have ever known, so very gentle and playful.

Saying Hello

Saying Hello

   


         
 














 

The end of something and the start of something new.

Today was a bit of a landmark day as I have completed my 6th and final cycle of chemotherapy. Now I am positive I will go into remission as they call it and stay fit and healthy for sometime without fear of the 'C' word coming back to haunt me for quite sometime. I have to undergo 2 years of antibody treatment, this requires me to go and have a drug named rituxiimab  infused into my body and statistics have shown this drug helps keep the Non Hodgkin's at bay for much longer. You see the malignant cancerous cells have a unique protein surrounding them called CD20. The rituxiimab is designed to hunt down this protein and destroy the cancer cells with out harming good healthy cells. So the drug is a lot gentler than the chemo which just runs rampant and kills everything.

Short term plans are return for blood tests in a months time and then go for a scan to see if I am okay. Treatment wise it has not been as bad as I suspected. I mean sure I have had a few side effects, like feeling nauseas, tired, low blood counts and the latest one developing spots and pimples which are really annoying and quite painful.

I am now looking forward to this being the end of something and the start of something new in many aspects of my life. I have always been driven, maybe not academically, however if I want to achieve something or get something done. If I focus my attention on it I have what is known as a can do attitude and can generally achieve my aims and goals. I have learnt a valuable lesson in some respects as I have gotten older and that not everything has to be perfect or in some cases you can start things yet never have to complete them. This can be for a variety of reasons, things like you are just not really as interested as you thought you were in the given subject. Other people get in the way or lose interest or they have different views, or some other aspect of life comes along and the stuff or thing you were doing just doesn't feel as important. I have come to understand it is better to have a go and fail than just say 'I cannot do that' or not even attempt to try it. Trying is not failure it I simply a way of discovering if you really want to do something, or learning something, then doing it better each time until you are happy with the outcome. I have also discovered I cannot posssibly Fix Everything or everyone no matter how caring or understanding I am. I think one of my biggest problems, again I'm learning is that I see only Black and White, yet other people have a myriad of different shades of Grey and even some other colours coming intro play and well this can just totally confuddle me. How the hell I have got off on this tangent I do not know lol. Top tip, stick to black and white it makes things so much easier lol.

Anyoo the something new bit for me is a reflection of putting all this crap behind me and learning from it and whilst I will be continuing to do a lot of stuff I used to do I will be moving on to new things. Well this is what I envision. Is this not life for all of us any way?

Whilst chatting to a very close friend I asked her a totally random question, saying 'So if you could think of a mythical creature or animal to represent you,  what would it be?'. She had to think a while and in the meantime said, 'Oh I am not sure, what would yours be'. I can of course answer immediately as for me it would have to be a Phoenix. The way I figure, this creature represents me perfectly because it is born, has a period of fun, then the shit hits the fan, it is then born again with a new sense of purpose out of all the ashes and the chaos that caused it's demise. I am in no way complaing so don't think this is a sob story, my life has been full of ups and downs, it has brought me to exactly where I am supposed to be and made me the person I am today. I actually feel rather fortunate in a weird sense.

So on to my recovery. I am going to take the next month or so real easy, see what it brings my way and whilst I am off try and relax and not over think things. I am however going to start thinking of short, medium and longer term goals, as this promotes positive action. I am already looking forward to new sockets, trialling new knees and feet/ ankle combo's. I am looking forward to getting back to learning to run and of course swimming again. I am also very excited about working alongside Graeme Moore, a really good close personal friend of mine. Graeme is a triathlon coach over at Phoenix Triathlon and has very kindly asked me, would I like to help out within the club. I am not sure at the moment of my role, however have helped out on a few sessions with some children from a special needs school. I found this experience extremely rewarding and fun so maybe a volunteer coaching role would suit me down to the ground. I would recommend voluntary work to anyone as it gives you a tremendous feel good factor and also brings communities closer together.

Anyhoo my blogging friends watch this space as I am sure there will be many more adventures in the future and I cannot wait to share them with you.

I would like to say a huge thank you to everyone who reads my blogs, this year has been a particularly tough one, not so much the chemo, more so that it has effected what I wanted to do and made me feel lazy and at times depressed. I don't like sugar coating things, so my aim was to be honest with anyone who kept up to date with me and peoples support has been amazing. It has really helped me get through on those crappy days and on the days I have felt good well, it's just great to know I have so many loyal friends.

I notice I don't get as many comments on my blog as I do upon Facebook, so hey leave your comments any time they are a very welcome read.

Take care guys

What to do when you cannot sleep?

Well this sucks, my sleep pattern is all to hell. I'm finding I'm tempted to go out for rides at stupid O'clock just because I am bored out of my tree. Either that or I am on my pc ogling bike porn and speccing up imaginary bikes, Mmmmm what carbon bars to go for and do those colours match. Maybe I could shave a few grams off there and should I go for another Fat Bike, or full sus trail or hard tail. Do I even need another bike, well of course I do you can never have enough bikes lol.

Yep I'm bored with being off work and just feel proper lazy. This whole 'you need to rest and take it easy', well it's just not for me. I need to be out doing stuff, challenging myself or at least being mentally stimulated. The days are becoming a blur and just fading from one day to the next.

On Thursday I see my consultant so I guess i will find out if my neutrophils are low again this month. If they are it means more delays with my treatment. If they are okay, it's whoopee as this will be my final chemo session. Then it's just a case of waiting for a final scan and my bloods to get back in order and I can start thinking of my return to work and gradually get back on track. I need to start doing stuff and just having some much needed fun.

Anyhoo as like I say I have been bored I thought I may as well bore you lot by writing a blog and let you know what I have been doing when I cannot sleep. I have actually been spending quite a bit of time on Spotify searching for potential tunes I can use in any bike video's I do. I love looking for obscure tracks by artists I haven't heard of. I find when doing a bike video one of the hardest bits is not actually editing the footage it's in finding a decent tune to go with the flow of the video. I have a plan for a nice winter video and already have a cracking track chosen, just need some snow lol.

I'm going to change how I do my video's slightly and try and pick a tune, then go somewhere and try and ride to the flow of the music. It just makes it that bit more interesting I guess.

Lately I have discovered a few artists I like. I have popped a few links to Youtube with their albums.

From Indian Lakes






Another group I have discovered and quite like are Dresses. Dresses is a band from Portland, Oregon made up of Timothy Heller and Jared Ryan Maldonado. Their sound can be described as bubbly indie pop, driven by the duo's intertwining vocal melodies and harmonization.





Have fun and get some sleep lol x

When you just don't feel like going out!

The lads had been going back and forth with messages upon Facebook arranging a ride out for Saturday morning. I only sent a few short messages, saying I didn't feel like heading out, but hoped they enjoyed themselves. As the days go by I just feel weaker and weaker and everything feels like a chore.

Well Saturday morning arrived I hadn't set my alarm like I usually would and was awakened by our doorbell ringing. Thoughts ran through my head 'aww just ignore it, who ever it is will go away'. I  then thought I had better go and see who it was. As I hopped down stairs using my elbow crutches as i couldn't be arsed to pop my leg on I saw though our kitchen window that it was my friend John. I went to the back door, opened it and John came in while I made a cup of tea and had some toast. 'You not up for a ride out' John said, to which I  replied 'I'm just not feeling it mate'. Soon after our other friend Lee arrived. When Lee saw I wasn't ready he asked 'You not coming'?, again I just repeated my earlier comment to John, saying I wasn't exactly feeling good. Lee was gutted, well so was John as they love hanging with me and going for a ride. Lee always says 'I always have an adventure or something happens when I am with you'. This is pretty much true, it's very rare we go out and something either funny, interesting or bizarre happens. As I was just finishing up my toast I spotted our other friend Al pull up in his car. At this point I was feeling a bit guilty, here were all the lads and me being a pussy just because I didn't feel too good. Before All got his bike unloaded off his car I hopped upstairs and popped my bikey gear on and got ready to head out with the boys.
              

Up the mucky farmers trail with Teflon Lee

Got to love the mud