A painful day some unavoidable, some self inflicted

Yesterday as my bloods were sort of ok to go ahead with my chemo I received my 4th cycle. Wow it was tough going. After the nurse gave me some antihistamines I became really tired and kept nodding off. Thing was I couldn't get comfortable in the awful high chair I was sat in. The arms were to low so I ended up with a crick in my neck as I dozed. Five Hours sat in that chair and I was stiff as a board. It wasn't all bad however as I got chatting to some rather interesting fellow patients. One of whom informed me she was a psychologist working for the Open University. I really enjoyed our conversation and I am very proud that I can hold an intelligent back and forth. To think of years ago when I was practically socially isolated I wouldn't have had anything to chat about, never mind know how to do it.

Following my treatment I felt a bit like a space cadet as well as feeling a bit nauseous. This hasn't happened on my previous treatments, well not immediately, it's usually a few day later.

Rachael has been a star keeping me going with friendly daily text messages as she is away. This has really helped boost my morale and I am so looking forward to seeing her again on Sunday.

Today as I was only getting the chemotherapy drug I wasn't at the clinic as long. Thing is today the infusion really did bloody hurt. The chemotherapy drug comes straight out of the refrigerator and as it went in i got a sort of hard to describe sensation. A bit like a burn, yet freezing cold. I suppose I can only imagine it as like a frost bite sort of sensation. I was so glad when it was over. Sandra the very friendly nurse gave me a towel to drape over my arm whilst the drugs went in. In an effort to keep my arm warm.

Following my treatment I decided not to ring Ern and get a lift home, no in my wisdom I decided to set myself a challenge and walk the 8 miles home. So off I set in a poorly fitting socket and my flat soled shoes. Both socket and shoes were to prove a nightmare. As I blistered on my sit bone and my good foot within the first mile. Ah well only another seven to go. By the time I reached about mile four I was really struggling. Just then Rachael gave me an unexpected call and this really helped me through the next mile and a half as we chatted. Rachael is so loving and caring and I could tell she was a bit concerned, saying "don't over do it, call your dad". "It's a challenge" I replied to which she giggled. I think she is starting to understand what I am like and admires my determination and positivity. These are two qualities that sort of drew us together and I am very proud I possess them. So many people just sit around and whine and bitch, instead of taking positive action to enrich their lives.

By the time I approached the top of South Moor bank and the traffic lights at the Arch I was in so much pain. The worst was yet to come however and that was getting down the bank to my house. I decided to use a tactic I use when out on my single speed a zig zag through the houses and down the bank. Eventually I got in, it had taken me 3 hours and 47 minutes not a record I know. I covered 7.85 miles and I also burnt off 828 calories which is a few KitKats.

What a relief taking my leg and shoe off. Ahhhhh! time for a nice bath.... OMG! that stings as the water touched my botty blister. Just bought some lovely honey bath and shower gel, it was so relaxing and really hit the spot. Not bothered if our Kayleigh says I'll smell like a lass.

Now out the bath and feeling rather proud yet rather sickly, tired and sore. A rest day tomorrow me thinks then I'm off to see Rachael on Sunday and can't wait.

When the bad stuff just fades away...

As planned,  my friend John and I had a cracking ride out yesterday. I think it is the furthest I have ridden this year, not sure, but definitely the furthest whilst undergoing chemo and the furthest on my Fat Bike riding with Surly Nates. Those tires drag so much.

A riding selfie, it's all the craze with the young kids I swear

Our adventure began as usual at my house. John had contacted me the day before and asked did I fancy a ride out. To be honest, what with my blood results being better and being able to spend sometime with the new lady in my life Rachael on Sunday, I felt on top of the world. Yeah! there are still certain aspects in my life which suck, like being ill and being off work, but hey these will come right in due course. At the moment I'm just feeling so much love from Rachael and all my family and friends who have been ever so supportive.

Baxter has an aversion to water.

A rather laid back morning this morning. Having decided to take my good friend William Rosche's advice I made a bowl of porridge and went on to put in various berries into the mix. There were blackberries,strawberries,raspberries and blueberries. William has advised I try to eat a more healthy and balanced diet and add lots of berries, so that's just what I did.

As the weather was a bit naff outside and I'm still not quite feeling myself I decided I would have a root through my mp3 collection and on Spotify and make an album up of old tunes I like and maybe some new ones I could discover.

My dad is on sorting my bedroom out as we have totally stripped it. The wallpaper is off, the old bed has been thrown out and I'm waiting for a new one to arrive on Tuesday. Skirting board have been replaced and holes filled in walls. New sockets, switches and door handles purchased as well as a rather cool Chameleon light which I am looking forward to seeing in action. I asked Ern if I could do anything to help to which he replied "No not really", so I continued  searching for tunes. Well I tried to, you see we have this mischievous pup who is into everything. I finally had to give up and go keep him occupied, of course this was after he had done his Andrex puppy impersonation. Funny how on the TV the adorable Labrador runs away with the toilet roll and gently rolls it out. A bull terrier doesn't do this, no he much more prefers to take it out in the garden and proceed to rip it to shreds and have it all over the place. That's another toilet roll down. As there were none left he then decided what the hell I may as well eat the toilet roll holder. So it was fun and games chasing him around the house to retrieve the holder.    At lunch time Kyle and I decided to have a little snack. I had bought some asparagus and Parma ham as I had seen quite a few people eating it on these cookery programs and was interested to try it. It's a real easy snack to prepare, just wrap the ham around the asparagus and bang it in the oven for 5 minutes and hey presto done. Kyle wasn't exactly sure if he liked it. I however thought it was rather nice and would definitely have it again. It is a good source of vitamin E don't you know.

Baxter was back up to his usual tricks and pestering Ern as he tried to get stuff done. So Kyle suggested we take him out for a little walk. "How about the forges down at Beamish" I suggested. So off we set in the car. It doesn't take long to get down there. As we drove to where we could park up, it was absolutely chucking it down. Baxter was not impressed in the least and dragged all the way in to the woods, his little ears pinned back and trying to shake himself dry.

Baxter not impressed at all

 Once in the woods we took him to the small ford. He gave us the look "Nope it's never going to happen". Eventually he figured out how to step over from stone to stone without getting his paws wet. As Kyle went over the bridge I walked through the ford and brought Baxter along with me. It wasn't too deep, but he did not like it one bit. A few riders on horses passed us by in the woods and Baxter wasn't to sure of these, giving a little unsure growl. Finally he started to get a bit more confident and began to lead the way sniffing and exploring. We only went a short way before turning around and heading back, yes I dragged him through the ford again.

Got back home and Baxter was filthy and we were soaked through. Just enjoyed a nice hot shower.

  

I'm stuck

     

Is that a horse I spot

Screw You Cancer!

Yesterday I received a phone call from the cancer specialist nurse over at the University Hospital North Durham. She asked had I been to get my blood tests done, as I was due to be having my 4th cycle of chemo on Thursday and Friday. Last weeks was delayed as my neurophils, something I know nothing about were low. Apparently your neutrophils are the most abundant (40% to 75%) type of white blood cells and form an essential part of the innate immune system. They are formed from stem cells  in the your bone marrow. Anyhoo mine were low last week and so I needed to have more tests done before I could go ahead with treatment.

 

What?

 

Dodgy blood tests

After attending the chemo unit at Durham last Wednesday for my routine blood check I was informed there was a problem with my white blood cell count, something called neutrophils. This means my immune system is pretty low and I am at a higher risk of infection and becoming neutropaenic. All big words I know, not sure I understand everything myself.

I have felt real tired over the last few weeks and thinking I was going to get my chemo on Thursday and Friday of last week I had the days booked off.  I decided to still take the days and aslo take a few more as a sort of breather before I hopefully am allowed to go ahead with more treatment this Thursday and Friday. I just want to get it over with and then get back to some semblance of normality.

I'm really missing not riding as much, as well as not keeping up with my swimming. I'm really critical of myself and also really hard at times. So this lack lustre feeling of no motivation is really bugging me. Luckily I have some great support and it helps immensely.

Lots of things are going on in my life some not so good, whilst others are simply amazing. Lots of mixed up feelings and emotions that I am trying to understand, whilst trying to not over analyse and wreck everything.


Love this cartoon image and quote  so thought I  would share.

Neglecting my duties, a short blog for a short ride...

It has been almost a month since I last blogged. I know this because my last blog was about what cycle I was up to and come Thursday and Friday I will be on with my next cycle of treatment. Wow where has the time gone? It seems as if four months have gone in the blink of an eye.

Most of this years posts whilst I have always tried to remain positive and optimistic have had a bit of a negative flavour to them, well I think they do. I think it's because instead of realising I'm doing quite well I am overly critical of the fact I haven't done as much as in previous years. Sometimes it's a good exercise just to stop and actually take stock and look back as we can find that in reality we haven't had a bad year, and hey it's not quite over yet.

Anyhoo I said I would keep this short so true to my word. Today following work I called in to see my friends John and his wife Christina. I also got the opportunity to see how John and Christina's baby, Amber is doing. I was quite surprised when Christina handed me Amber, it has been sometime since I held a baby. I didn't want to let on to Christina that the last time I held a baby was probably wor Kyle and I dropped him on his head. Of course only joking. I asked John did he fancy a short ride out and he was very keen. It's been ages since we rode together I just haven't had the motivation or energy, guess I'm feeling  a bit like Austin Powers when he lost his MoJo.

John and I headed out from my house after I got ready and took one of our all time favourite routes and the Farmers trail. Wow today was pretty hot and it sure did zap my energy. I'm pretty pleased with myself as although we only rode 10 or so miles we did take in 3 canny climbs and I didn't get off on any of them. Yeah I'm feeling tired now but so pleased I went out. In truth a certain person who shall remain nameless has motivated and inspired me.

    

John

Me on the Sandman

Coming down the trail

Like this shot

Getting closer

Nice shot of the Surly Nates

Lovely view over the hill of all the bales

My Arctic One band on top of some clay pigeons

  

Cycle 3 sessions 5 and 6

It's that time of the month again, where I have to go for my chemotherapy and antibody treatment. Wow the time is flying by. Once this cycle is done I'm half way through. This will be cycle 3, sessions 5 and 6.

Yesterday I visited Shotley Bridge Hospital for my treatment. Now it's been established I have not got an allergic reaction to the Ritixmab the antibody drug I'm currently on I am allowed to go to a smaller hospital. It's a lot easier for me as getting parked at Durham's UHND can be a bit of a nightmare. I am sure glad I didn't have a reaction to the drug as apparently it can be quite nasty and scary, the nursing staff comparing it to something like anaphylactic shock.

The treatment took around 5 hours to all go through yesterday, it's a bit uncomfortable sitting in one place that long as you get all stiff and the time drags. Not complaining though as I always meet some very pleasant people who are also getting various treatments. It's very nice to hear of their stories and experiences and in turn tell them some of mine. The McMillan nurses are also amazing, oh and I can't forget the McMillan volunteers who provide assistance and a warm welcome, they do a sterling job.

Following my treatment my dad, Ern, treated me to a Big Mac at MacDonald's. I was Hank Marvin, even though I had had a chicken sandwich at around lunch time very kindly given to me by the hospital.

I have noticed as time has gone by and after each session of treatment it's effecting me just that little bit more. Last night for instance I felt really sick. I know it's a common side effect of chemo, however I haven't really experienced it on my other two treatments until around 4 to 7 days afterwards. When I awoke this morning I felt a bit better and I'm now just waiting for 2 O'clock to come around and my next session. If I'm honest I'm feeling a little intrepid about these next sessions as I know physically I'm feeling just a little more tired and uncomfortable after each one.

Recently I had to go back and see my haematology doc as I have been getting really itchy areas of skin. It appears I am having some sort of a reaction to some of the treatment or drugs I'm taking. My friend Amanda researched general side effects of the chemo and stuff and it looks as if I have what are called "Hives". Boy when they flare up they are so annoying and rather sore, painful and very, very itchy. When I go for a shower and they are there, it's like when you have a bad sunburn, you know that burning sensation as the water cascades over your skin.

All in all I don't feel I have to much to complain about, my lumps and bumps have all but gone and so far I have been able to continue in my physio assistants role. I was gutted I had to quit my other new job. It just came at the wrong time and I felt myself getting stressed over being over committed. I have learnt that I have to do what is right for me and having undue stress in your life is no good at all.

So on a physical level I am feeling guilty about not getting out, but do realise I have to give myself a break. I haven't turned a crank in weeks. Yesterday I walked up 4 flights of stairs I hate taking the lift and boy was I knackered by the time I got to the top. Mentally I'm in a fairly good place and proud of how I'm coping with stuff. Yeah I'm real annoyed with my self for my lack lustre motivation in wanting to head out and ride, or even swim, but like I say I have to listen to my body and not over do. I mean it's not like I have anything to prove.

I felt quite proud yesterday and hopefully don't come across as being big headed when I say I get this often, when a fellow patient commented on my positivity. I don't know if you would class my analytical mind as a downfall and a hinderance or if it is actually a postive aspect of who I am, but it does allow me to think deeply about every situation and nine times out of ten put things in perspective. One of the best things ever for me is being able to work on a busy ward with some people who are very ill. This gives me focus and everyday I count my blessings as I realise just how lucky I am to have the life I do.

Well I guess I've wrote enough on that subject for today. "No pics" I hear you say.
   

Baxter an I

 Ahh well I went out in the garden this morning with Baxter and my son Kyle and we got a few so here they are. Baxter has just had his second set of shots so this coming Tuesday can go out for his first walkies out side of our garden. I'm very excited to be able to take him out and show him so of our local haunts where we used to walk Mr Hink's. When he is a bit older and I'm well I am looking forward to see if he will attempt a swim with me up at Druridge Bay.

Baxter and Kyle

Baxter is an amazing little lad. So far he has learnt "where's he at" and comes running. He responds very well to the training clicker. Baxter now can have a treat put directly in front of him and be told "Leave" and will follow command. I'm very impressed in how quickly he has picked up all these commands. We are currently on learning "Down" and "Paw". Oh and trying to get him out of the habit of chasing feet and undoing shoe laces as well as picking up everything he isn't supposed to pick up in our garden, including twigs, leaves and attacking the flowered bushes.

   

Eyes on the prize

Ain't he cute

Baxter loves ears

Baxter

Scuffed nose off the bushes

Have I got  to get my pic taken

Fun fights

Wor Baxter supporting Arctic ONE

Wow it's hard work trying to get a pic of wor Baxter. As soon as you put a camera near him he is either on the move or comes over to investigate what it is you are trying to take a picture of. At the moment everything is new to him so it's a case of testing everything with his mouth. A kind of "if  I can't eat it. I may as well chew it to discover why I can't eat it".

Baxter with his Arctic ONE Buff

Yesterday I managed to get a few snaps of Baxter wearing an Arctic ONE buff. It was a little bit big for him and obviously he thought it was some game as he tried to get it off and run around with the buff. At one point we had a real tug of war as I tried to get it off him. 

Baxter

Anyhoo managed to get a few shots. It's weird when I have looked back at the images how big they make him appear. Really he's quite small, being only 9 weeks old. Everything about him is so cute and he has an awesome character. I have already seen over the past couple of days that he is a lot more well behaved than Mr Hink's when he was that age. Don't get me wrong Hink's was awesome, but he was one of the most mischievous puppies, who was very very strong willed. So far Baxter has been very well behaved. Like most puppies he nips now and again, as he is mouthing, his teeth are like little needles. He is relatively good though as he stops when told off.  His little bark is so cute, yesterday he was telling the birds in the garden off and today he has been barking at the TV. Everything is an adventure to him at the moment in his new world and it's great to see him learning and experimenting with different things.

We are trying not to feed him tit bits as he gets all the nutrients and goodness from his puppy food. It's hilarious to see him sniffing the air when something which is new to him is prepared. He gets ever so excited. When ever anyone is in the kitchen he will sit patiently right at your feet looking up with his tiny little glinting eyes and just give you that look.

One of the most adhering things about Baxter is his little grunts and squeaks as if he is trying to talk to you, that and the fact he loves cuddles. He is a very loving little chap and has already stolen our hearts.

Baxter

Baxter

Since loosing our beloved buddy Mr Hink's last year our house has had a huge void. Hink's was such a character, a friend that could never be replaced. However saying that I feel exactly the same about all my past bully's Tyson,Edwin and Gilbert and of course all those other pets I have had as I have gone through life. Believe it or not at one time when I was a youngster we had 21 Guinea Pigs, yes that's right 21. Ern obviously thought we had two female piggies, however this wasn't the case and missed one of the pigs winkies and he put it to good use, the end result 21. I can't remember all their names, but I do recall having some great adventures with my little friends, some of which involved them riding around with Action man in a helicopter, jeep and tank, well you know what kids are like.

Kyle n Baxter

   One of my other child hood best friends was a black lab, named Blackie. This was one of the most intelligent and loyal dogs I have ever known. At the time I was roughly 3 years of age and we had just moved about a mile away from New Kyo to South Moor. My mam had locked both me and Blackie in our tall walled back yard and left us to play quite happily for a moment or two.  Of course brick walled back yards aren't really exciting so I decided I would take wor Blackie for a nice walk and proceeded to lift the sneck off the gate using a broom, then grab my wheel barow and spade and head off up the black path past all the coal slag heaps and across the busy railway line and go see my nana and grandad.

Kayleigh n Baxter

In those days there were no telephones so imagine my granddads surprise when I rock up at his back door blackie and a full wheel barrow of coal in tow. "Where's ye ma?" he said "Oh am a big lad" I said. At this point my grandad was half shaved with his string vest on and braces dangling around his waist. He then proceeded to run out the door and head off in search of my mam who was half way up the black path going frantic "eeh av'e lost wor Glenn". Long story short my mam scared the bejesus out of me with this nasty bloke called Dicky Dark who lived in the coal heaps. It's weird i still ride mountain bikes up and down the black path and although the scenery has changed when ever I am there I often have a smile to myself and think of my mam and Dicky Dark.

Ern trying to take a pic

Baxter n Ern

  This morning Baxter woke me at 5:50 am with a little whine and when I got up he went straight out into the garden for a wizz. He then grabbed a bite to eat and proceeded to run all over the place and have a bit play. This little bundle of fur has certainly brightened up the place and I look forward to wriing of our adventures together.We grow as close to our pets as any human bond, in some cases even more. The memories we create together are truly amazing. One of my favourite memories of wor Hink's was when he swam out to me at Druridge Bay as I practiced open water swimming. This was remarkable in that he hadn't been feeling too well and also the fact he didn't much like water. Yet he did it because he wanted to be with me.

Mr Hink's what a star

 The time was right we felt for a new addition to our family. I have been looking for sometime for a pup, however after reading a book sometime ago about a English Bull Terrier named Baxter I had a very specific idea of how I wanted our new puppy to look. I got in touch with Joy the lady we got Mr Hink's from and told her I was looking for a baby boy with an eye patch. Joy said she would keep a look out and about a week or so ago put me in touch with a lovely lady named Liz Wilson. Liz informed me she had just the little fellow, however wasn't entirely sure what was happening with him.
  

Zzzzzzzzz!!!

Well earned doze

This is the life

Everything sorted, time to head home. It took us around 2 to 2 and a half hours and Baxter was so well behaved in the car. As son as we got him home he went into our garden and had a tinkle, what a good little lad. Then he was off exploring. 

His tail is so funny, it's as if he is wound up, it never stops wagging and rather than being upset at being without his mom and brothers and sisters he just fit right in. Imagine my excitment when after the weekend Liz got intouch and offered me the option to buy this cute little fellow. So yesterday wor Kyle, Ern and myself drove up to the borders of Scotland and went to meet Liz and her family of bullies. We got to meet some absolutely adorable English Bull Terriers. Wow it really brought home just how much we have missed having Hink's around. This breed is so affectionate, playful and amusing. We were instantly welcomed to Liz's home by a wonderful bully named Annie and then went on to meet some of Liz's other terriers and of course the litter of 5 pups.