It is difficult trying to find motivation when things in your life aren't exactly going to plan, Don't get me wrong this isn't a blog about bleating on and "woe is me", no it's more about my self reflection and understanding the pitfalls and how to navigate things to avoid repeating mistakes I have made in the past.
So let me explain. I have spoken about taking ill around May of last year and having been diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. Well, this illness has really taken its toll on me due to its horrible symptoms, and this gets me to my point within this post. You see throughout my various long term health concerns, whenever I get down and then become isolated and unable to go out and do the regular things I like to do, for example my cycling, or camping, or just going for a walk in the country I then resort to the internet to fill in my time, and invetitabily start buying shit I don't really need. My savings take a hit, and when I say 'savings,' it's not like I'm minted. I can then go on to make big purchases, such as bikes, and end up in more debt. I think I buy stuff as my imagination creates these pictures of me doing stuff, which makes me feel good. I can see myself, for instance, riding a new bike, with new clothing, a new helmet, new shoes and new camping accessories. Maybe I should buy a new camera so that I can shoot new films. I think you get the picture. In reality, I can go out and buy all this stuff; however, it doesn't fix the root cause, and I am left feeling even more depressed.
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| Scott Lumen 900 TR from J's Cycles |
It reminds me of a time when I was ill just after the tumour in my knee had been removed and I had that awful metal work inserted. Because I couldn't do regular things and got bored, I would order all manner of things from the internet. T-shirts I would never wear, books I would never read, and computer games I didn't play, but to name a few. I would get my 30-second buzz when stuff arrived and I opened it, then put them away, before moving on to my next fix. I ended up getting into thousands of pounds worth of debt whilst not working, and had the potential via credit cards to get into around £50,000 of debt. I was very fortunate that I realised the error of my ways, got a consolidation loan, chopped up my credit cards and then over a 5-year period paid everything off.
The thing that made me wake up and realise I was in trouble was my mam's voice, saying "Glenn, make sure you never bring bad debt to our door". Anyway, I have always been proud of the fact that I have managed my finances.
It's weird as I wasn't going to post about yesterday's outing, and then I thought "Ahh, why not". The thing is, when I sat down at my computer, the blog post I had intended to write turned into this self-reflection, which I have just shared, and I guess it's quite cathartic for me. I sometimes write as it helps me understand my own mind, it can be like a best friend talking sense to me, I have so much shit floating around in my head most of the time, the majority of which doesn't make sense.
Anyway, after having purchased a new bike around December of last year, my Santa Cruz Heckler, then figuring out I really liked the bike, but the range on it wasn't as far as I expected, I started looking at other bikes. My savings had taken a hit as I had helped my dad out with a new bathroom, and in my mind I thought "Fuck it, I might as well spend the rest". I know my thought process is mental. I then got my eye on a Scott Lumen. It was discounted at J's Cycle Shack, so I got in touch and ordered a size Large. What the fuck, I needed another bike for? I mean, I haven't exactly been riding much of late, but as explained earlier, my imagination kicked in and I had this vision of me riding all over the shop with a great big grin on my face and loving life as the wind blew through my hair, angelic music and birds singing in the backdrop.
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| New bike in the Back of Ern's Mobile Skip |
I had to wait around 2 months for my new bike to arrive. I took delivery on the 12th July, my dad and I driving down to Wakefield to pick it up. The bike then stood until yesterday, when I had my first ride out.
Now, like I say, I wasn't even going to write a blog about yesterday's outing, I think it is because I considered it a bit of a fail, which is not true, now that I have thought about it. I think the top and bottom of it was that I was just completely knackered when I got in, sore and didn't feel particularly well. Which will lead me on to another part of my story in a little while.
Anyhoo, now that I have had the time to reflect, I can see why I thought yesterday wasn't worth writing about, how today it was. First, the negatives I had intended to shoot a new video using my GoPro and take some photos. Well, I didn't get enough or the best footage, so on my return home, I couldn't make the video I wanted. Plus, I only took a few pics, so I thought, what is the point of blogging? My way of thinking is that no one reads my stuff; they probably just come here to look at pictures they have happened to come across by chance.
And now the positives and what made me write this post. Well, although I wasn't feeling great in the morning, I took Neville out for his morning walk, then got changed into my biking gear and headed out on my new bike. I attempted to do what makes me happy, and although I didn't ride as far as I would have liked and was thoroughly exhausted along with a migraine I had had for about a week. Well all in all I enjoyed myself, especially as on my journey, I met three lovely ladies.
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| Scott Lumen on the Farmers Trail |
The first was a wonderful lady over at Hedley Hall Woods, she was in a wheelchair and self-propelling herself up a rather steep hill. As I passed, I asked her, "Do you need a hand?" to which she replied, "No, thank you, I have got this". Huge respect, as I had to drop into a lower gear to climb the bank. I rode past her and then stopped and turned back and we began chatting. I went on to mention being a sporting ambassador for Arctic ONE and mentioned the grant system and what a fantastic organisation the foundation was. Going on to ask would she not prefer a hand cycle, and the last commenting on another type of bike that has some sort of hand levers you pull on to to get it to mobilise. After some time, we said our goodbyes, not before I had informed her about my book, "Lost2bFound" I mean, I have to try and get some sales somewhere. I was then off heading towards the Causey Arch.
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| Pretty proud to have self-published this |
I was in two minds whether to take the Causey Arch and Tanfield Railway route, as you see, I have experienced some rather irate people along there, who are like "Karens", and go on to get all worked up about people cycling along the trail. Anyway, I decided to go that way as I hate riding on the Causey Arch Road, and if I used the pavement that turns along by the Causey Arch, well, if you think about it, that's no different to riding on the trail at Tanfield Railway as they are both classed as public footpaths.
Riding over the Causey Arch and approaching the section of trail where there are some wooden steps, two ladies were sitting on a bench with their dogs. I gave them a polite greeting and got an equally polite response in return. We then began having a lovely chat as I explained some folk didn't like cyclists coming this way, and they said they didn't mind, we agreed it was all about respect. The conversation continued on, and we spoke about the local history and the area, good places to visit for walks and shared some memories of days gone by. Yet another chance to plug my book when departing.
I was enjoying the ride on my new Scott; it felt comfortable, probably one of the best-fitting bikes I have owned. Considering this was my first ride out and I was just getting used to the bike, it felt planted beneath me. The Lumen has a TQ motor, which only offers 50 nm of torque, so it does require quite a bit of input from the rider. For XC riding, the suspension feels plush, and I don't know if it was just me, but the bike felt like it rolled well; you can't feel any drag from the motor. I was a little frustrated yesterday, and I think it was because I was tired. For some reason, I was having a nightmare clipping into my new Time ATAC pedals. I was so worn out, I was struggling to take hold of my G3 Infinity knee, bend it and then forcefully trying to clip in using my hand to guide the cleat to the pedal. So yesterday, there were many curses and loud sighs.
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| I really like this Bike |
Oh, and when I stopped off at Beamish near the stream, intending on getting a video shot of the water as it cascaded over some rocks, I slipped and almost fell into the water. I just couldn't keep my footing and ended up having to sit down, then crawl and clamber up the bankside. It's incredibly difficult trying to negotiate slippery terrain with a prosthetic limb that is in full extension, held in place with resisted tendons. I also ventured onto a trail I hadn't ridden in years and took. The wrong path, well, when I say path, I had to stop as there was no way through, the undergrowth was so thick and unridable. So it took me about 20 minutes to hike back the opposite way, and this proper fatigued me.
All in all, I can see that yesterday wasn't a waste of time, and although I didn't get the video footage or pictures I wanted, what does it matter, always be other days.
Oh, and you know I mentioned earlier, leading to another part of my story, well yeah, I got bored so ended up purchasing a steering wheel of all things for my wee Abarth 124 Spider. Now I really must stop...
I will post some images when the new steering wheel arrives and a bit of a write-up...
